Have you ever wonder

2011-12-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

"Oh my darling, please don't express your love for me. For I may not be able to take up this responsibility to reciprocate as much as you do.
When I'm ready, I will tell you. Till then, I hope you still Feel the same abt me." -Meow

Here am I blogging with my iPhone. Ugh kinda suck but oh wells, make do with it since I'm lazy to get up and use the lappie.
Quarrelled with Mosa today. Abt my salary. Stupid company have been dragging my pay for so long. Complained to Mosa. He called my supervisor and asked her. Then Mosa called me and told me to text Sharon the dates I've worked, the time, my account number, and full name.
I was pissed. Cos why must I text her my working hours and the days when I've forgotten and did not keep track. Well, I thought it was the company's responsibility to keep track since they're afraid, us, students will say any random dates thus cheating their money. So then again, what's the point of me telling Sharon? After much hesitations and advices from Mosa i confirmed with Sharon the dates.
And I got one of the dates wrong. It was so embarrassing for me bcos this questions my integrity. And this involves money. Not so much on pride, actually. But money, and trust. Mosa said it was a small matter and that Sharon would not don't trust me etc.

Perhaps it's just my personality. And me not wanting to have bad records bcos i would like to work for this company.
I mean it's fine. The pay is reasonable and all... Just that it's a very independent kind of work la. sometimes you've to do things alone, without anybody's help. Meaning they won't teach u etc. this is your job scoope. Means u have to by hook or by crook, settle it yourself.
But I don't mind. I really don't. Although Leon tend to kid me with saying like, "must do something ah, don't cheat my money." I mean, it's YOUR money or the company's? Of course I'm doing something if not You would have fired me long ago right.
Sharon's nice. She treats her workers with respect.. Just that she can be straight forward and I really. Really. Hate. It.
Like that time, I helped the mascots take pic. (I wasn't sure I was helping the mascots take pic. Cos Keith just throw me the camera like that. And that Leon also asked me to help. I thought I was helping the company take pic) so during the performance when I asked Sharon if I could go infrount and take pic, she was like, "NO you cannot do that. By right u shud be working, not helping them take pics) Them? Who is them? Well I thought its the company. And also Leon's one of them who asked me to do it. So what now? Now I'm not doing my job? Oh my lord. Hell yeah.. But I'm to blame for my ignorance, too. I shud have asked.

So anyway back to Mosa. And me. I was really frustrated bcos he's the one who told me to tell Sharon the dates. He sounded like as if it's a must. I told the wrong dates. Integrity questioned. And so, he was indirectly, the cause of it.
Argued with him over the phone. He can't be blamed. This guy just wanted me to get my pay asap since I've been feeling moody these few days because of not getting my pay. He just wants me to get it quick, without further more delays.
He had gd intentions. But I told him to fuck off serveral times. Like getting outta my life etc.
I didn't mean to. Until now, I still feel so guilty.. But then, I was really angry that time. I was pissed.
Because if I never tell Sharon the dates, all these wouldn't happen.
Instead of blaming myself for the dates, I blamed Mosa. Entirely. No matter how he is in the fault, I shouldn't have said that. Sorry.
Mosa was very patient with me throughout the whole argument unlike other boyfriends who would add in drama. He's really a good boyfriend.

Until evening, he whatsapped me and said he's downstairs my house, pleaded with me to give him 5mins.
5mins only, I replied. Went downstairs, with every thought to hug him tightly and tell him I love him but then, no, I reminded myself. I am angry. With him. I saw him with that remorseful face no words could explained. He's lovely.
He passed me blue flowers and chocolates (because I tweeted that I had craves for chocolates), and gong cha (which I mentioned I wanted to drink gong cha on my bed while whatsapping with him)

He's perfect. Or at least, he treats me perfectly.
As he pass me the plastic bag, he hugged me. I teared... For the first time face to face. Infrount of my boyfriend.
There were many times he heard me cry on the phone.. Saw me cry on face time. But never, face to face.
I did not ever want to cry infrount of any boys at all, even of he's my boyfriend, I don't want any boys to witness the vulnerable side of me. I hate it. I really do. But at that point of time, something reminded me. Mosa doesn't judge me. He loves me for who I am.
Friends asked me, "Do you behave like this infrount of ur boyfriend?" I proudly say yes. Bcos he doesn't judge me at all.
He loves everything of me. The imperfections and all. So why do I have to feel distance towards him when I cry? No. I don't have to.
Maybe bcos he's a guy. I've seen fb, twitter etc, how many girls complained abt they bf. how many girls r hurt by boys.
That is then, became a boundary. I created boundaries. Mosa's different. He's really different.. And I'm really lucky to have him.
He can handle me. Me being a bitch.. Me being childish. Me being.vulnerable. Me being rebellious and temperamental.
Even when times I mentioned I want to find a rich bf. I want an ultra handsome bf. He only pout, never ever reprimand me, never get back at me. This guy.. Is one of the extinctions already.

Germaine told me... "I think he's crazily in love with you."
Even my friends could see that. I can definitely see how much effort and love he puts in me.

We walked thru the night... Under the moon.
Mosa made his way from yew tee all the way here just to apologise with gifts. (at least not empty handed as always,haha)
Not forgetting the cb useless smrt which is not working or working as slow as a pig. (an expensive pig though talking abt adult fare) Mosa still made his way here. Plus, he's sick. :(
I felt really bad.. Because its just too nice, nice already.
The texts and all. Can't help. A girl is soft hearted. Yes, no?

This song is so NICE OHMY. :)

Same song Sang by the twins.
You can hear double voices, it's really damn nice. :D
And they're so gorgeous right omg!!! This is for me la, my definetion of pretty!!!!
Talk about perfection...

LOL I would definitely go for one of them if i'm a guy. HAHAHAHAHA. PRETTYYYYYY

BROKE

2011-12-16T00:30:00.000-08:00

FUCK hotmail is so fking irritating. I dont know why i cant click on the mails. FUCK.

And idk why facebook and twitter is upgrading to the worst. So messy. DAMN MESSY.

Everything on the internet is pissing me off to the max. -_-

Face time with boyfriend. Hahaha

Look at this boy with double eyelids. I feel his double eyelids is damn perfect la.

It's not too hardcore and quite obvious. This is the desired double eyelids I want.

But if I'm destined to have single eyelids, then so be it :) I'm happy too.

I will never ever change anything about what my parents gave me no matter how ugly I am. (Plus ugly is nothing compared to a good heart.. just being random lol)

HEHEHEHEHE :b

UGHHH back to my life.

Went out with Germaine and Jiaxin two days ago. FUCKING FUN SIA OMFG.

I had never had such moments with any friends before.

I mean like why ARE WE so FUNNY? :)

I swear i cant find a single bitchiness in them manz, which makes everything funnnn. :D

Shopping shopping. Testing out beautiful clothes.... spending money.

Had fish and co for dinner because of my sudden craving for fish and co!

Jiaxin saw the directory that there is FISH AND CO at somerset 313.

But then.. when we walked into the restaurant, we realised that it wasn't fish and co.

Yes it's BY fish and co but it's called FISH. In other words, it's not fish and co, as the prices were overpriced... and as we looked at the servings, the portion is damn small la OH MY LORD.

But we were stucked at the restaurant right? Cos we already went in ma....

So we were discussing how the hell to escape. DAMN EPIC MAN.

This Germaine suggested to say, "Oh sorry we're rushing to a concert."

but then thinking abt it, if we're rushing for a concert we wont even be there, right?

Then she suggested, "Oh sorry we have a diarrhoea."

But then again... it's too fake.

So then, me the expert and most truthful person suggested.. "Why not we just tell the truth?"

yes it's direct but it's real, and not FAKE right. plus not like we were very good actresses. hahahaha. So I told the waitress to come. She was like, getting ready to jot down the food, and here she says.. "So what is your order?" I just immediately said, "Oh cos hmm we thought that this is fish and co." Waitress: "Oh, no, this is not fish and co.... just one of the branches." Me: "Ya so I see that the prices are a bit overpriced. So ya, we need to go and find the REAL fish and co."

Waitress: (Trying not to laugh) Jiaxin laughed like hell. LOL.

K ah ya i was too straight forward but the ambience was really funny lor. And we were all very hungry. adding on to the fact that I've got a fucking curfew!!! so yeah.

We immediately walked out of the restaurant. Germaine was like, "Hey i think we should run"

Then we just rush out, without looking back HAHAHAHA.

So after Jiaxin giving us a lot of wrong directions, we finally reached FISH AND CO!!

laughing out loud all the way. Germaine LQH damn funny i swear.

Had New york fish and chips. Very nice. the fries also very nice. but the portion is.... not enough for me :( Idiot right. Was still hungry even after eating it... AT SLOW PACE + DRINKING LOTS OF WATER.

Ask me to eat fish and co again? Most probably not. But the crab meat spagetti was nice.. and i think shud be quite filling. So if i ever step into that restaurant, either i eat 2 plates of fish and chips (which is impossible) or shall order that spagetti. HEH.

And talking abt food.... PASTAMANIA SUCK.

Fuck it's so disgusting I will never eat that again. So CREAMY AND EEEEW.

First few minutes, when you taste, it's very nice and omg you yearn for itttt... but as you go on eating... you'll be like damn sick of it la.

Almost vomit when I ate everything. EEEW

K... anyway,

I'll be getting my pay like next week omg next fucking week. -_-

And the worst thing is.. I left nothing now, not even a cent. And I owe my Mum a lot of money.

Great right?? So insecure without money. you know what? That Mosa also no money.

Walao fuck it la. No money can go where??? These few days I've been yearning for money.

Yearn also fuck use. Just wait till next week la hais.

I wonder what if I got a rich boyfriend? Ohmygod how good la. :(

Dont even need to worry abt anything. The most is worry if he cheats on you but so what? besides that, you're secured. You can buy anything you like.. do not need to work so hard for a pathetic "SUM" of money. Hmph. Will not ever happen to me one.

My this life hor, is zhu ding suffer and SLOG hard one.

Shall just go rot or sleep or watch tv.... making use of any/every facilities at home. WOW COOL RIGHT?! -______- Or maybe just continue my gg show.

Will be going Sentosa with bf to take pictures tmrw!!! and then east coast beach at night to catch sun set. Then eat satay bee hoon for dinner!!! Besides satay bee hoon, everything is free right?

All these activities suit my wallet. ugh

OH AND...

I will not say stay tuned to my pictures la. But yeah, I think i'll take a couple of beautiful scenery! yay. Basically this is the only thing worth looking for for tomorrow.

I fucking need my pay now. I need to return my Mum money! and shop more. more. more!!! for Chinese New Year clothes? Hah, talking about not last minute. :)

2011-11-28T04:42:00.000-08:00

Ok so! I've been working for entirely 5 days as an event co-ordinator and not forgetting tomorrow too, as a replacement cos Dezi suddenly called me and asked me if I could replace her. Ok ah, more money! so I agreed lor.

WORK is tiring. And yes, like what most people say, working IS not easy.

It consumed a lot of physical energy. And I think the worst part is sometimes ppl (esp kids) dont listen to instructions. This work made me realise that Sporeans dont like listening to instructions. And.. I'm one of them. But at least I can read. "Do not touch the figurines." Obvious right?

But some parents still even encourage their children to touch and take a pic. WTF?

Some children... are just too playful, not that they cant listen to instructions. but the parents...?

This work makes me dislike children actually. But some are really cute I wanna KISS and PINCH their faces hahaha too cute already. oh and yes I AM BIASED.

I allow those cute ones to touch the figurines, and to let them hang around near the stage, but not those NOT cute ones.. who got the qian bian face hahaha.. I know I very mean la.

First time earning MY OWN money. and the feeling is ji shuang de lo!

Like u dont have to rely on parents to give u money.. just cos u want to buy the things u like etc.

I mean like, you're not a kid anymore. So as much as I can, I will try to avoid asking parents for money unless they take the first step and give me 20 bucks or so. :)

Although they're my parents, I will still feel embarrassed taking their money. :(

Do you guys feel the same way too? And somemore, still need to see if they're in a good mood or not.. (which doesnt happens often, thats the prob)

Yeap... besides that, working is ok. Sometimes air con too cold wtf cos in shopping mall ma.

My colleagues are insanely funny. We kept talking shits at backstage while folding the boxes..

until all of us gets tired hungry and moody then the jokes start to fade.

But still, love working with them! Quite ok :)

Unlike some boring ass colleagues. Camwhoring when there are not much people~

Ahlin and me. Pictures taken from iphone.

SHAHID! :)

Devi and me.

Outing with hubby for a good meal~

When was it taken.. Oh after I was back from Bali!

Then we catch breaking dawn. Breaking dawn was okay ah.. Not as exciting as expected.

But it's cool watching sex scenes with ur partner hahaha just kidding la.

Too many sex scenes, no good. jitao boring.

I think part 2 will be exactly what we wanna see. The outcome.. the ending.. the baby.. etc.

So yeah, will be looking forward for it! :D

As always, bf who has always been really sweet and thoughtful.. cut the steak for me.

It's really HARD la. and damn chewy. hehehehe. :D:D:D

Damn lazy to upload pictures on blogger. So just upload a few from Bali trip. Trip to Bali was fun. went for hot spring, saw volcanoes, water falls, wooo~
Remember one of the days, we need to climb the dont know what just to see the waterfall. It was a disappointment because the journey was really hard...
And when the journey is hard, it's natural that we all expect a very beautiful scenery right? But no, the waterfall was okay only. Those very large kind.. Only me, bro, aunt and uncle climbed.

Mum and 2nd aunt didnt, because they felt dizzy halfway thru the journey.

K ah honestly, compared Bali to China's scenery, China is much better. The scenery is like damn nice, like you're seeing a painting. like the whole scenery is painted. and you're in the painting yknow that kind of feeling?

Didn't really get to shop due to time limit. Would love to stay there for more days!

Anyway, this is a monkey with baby monkey. More pictures on facebook.

I saw the sweetest scene in the world. Father monkey fighting Mother monkey to get baby monkey! cos the baby monkey was drinking milk from the mother monkey boobs ma, then obviously cannot halfway then stop right. So she fought hard with the father monkey cos. he wanted to snatch baby monkey away!

The crowd were stunned. Must be they didn't expect themselves being able to witness this kind of exciting real life things. Bet discovery channel also will not be able to film this kind of scene unless lucky. HEHEHE..

And this is Bali's volcanooooo. We were sitting at a restaurant which is opposite the volcano.

And our personal driver said that, if it really erupts at the moment, the place we were sitting, will be the first to experience the eruption. In other words, we will the first to die. LOL.

It was really challenging hahahaha..

So yeah.. a lot of things to say regarding my Bali trip. But ugh, I prefer to say it from my mouth then typing. heh. Super lazy.

Birthday was great. Parents bought me this expensive gift. And I really appreciate it a lot.
Apart from one of the weakness, battery run out too fast, everything's useful. hehehe.. :D

AND...

Hubby's gonna buy me this very chio hp cover as my xmas present. omg!!

so this is how it looks like..

Nice or what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

YA LA is I chose one thats why nice. HAHAHA JK CAN OR NOT.

________________________________________________________

Besides my parents giving me surprise, not forgetting my boyfriend who loves me dearly.. got ready a 'lame' surprise for me. Ok ah, at least can see the effort. Hahaha.

Oh... i didnt have any cake on my birthday. What is a birthday without a birthday cake?

I guess because family thought that boyfriend will prepare a cake for me.

while boyfriend thinks that family will prepare a cake for me, so end up, no cake!!!

Sometimes "great minds think alike" isn't very helpful, eh? :(

Nvm, cake only. Talking bout cakes now.. I feel like eating chocolate cake/brownie/cookie.

I miss cookies at subway!!! haha, k random shiet.

Ya so these r the pictures taken on my birthday...

Ok uh... uploaded a few only. Tiring.

Life has been great.

LIFE HAS BEEN FINE. PLEASE REMAIN LIKE THIS.

2011-11-16T20:38:00.001-08:00

Oh my.. Daddy & Mummy bought me a white iphone 4s as a birthday present.

Oh.. MY.. GOD.. Best surprise ever.

Not that I want that phone but it's pretty expensive, no?

And i've done nothing to deserve that. Will edit this post once I'm back! :D

2011-11-15T01:49:00.001-08:00

This post is superrrr long. Which is also EVERYTHING i've to say...

SO IT'S OVER! (So?)

Like yaaay, but am so not looking forward to results la.
Think am gonna screwed up. I meant 'screwed up' as in barely a pass, or just scrape thru, not an A1 or A2. Just to clarify.
Every subjects also got penalty for nervosity and, idk, laziness?
I think cambridge should give half an hour extra bcos it's a national exam, and that students will get nervous or worried. That half an hour is to stabilize our emotions and get going!!!
I don't see anything unreasonable about that. I dont mind if it's 15minutes.

Anyway, useless to talk bout it now, it's OVER.
And, for the results, I just hope for the best, and maybe miracles to happen.
I accept whichever outcome because I succumb to temptations and gave up half way thru.
I won't blame anything or anyone. I just thought that maybe something will SOMEHOW happen.. and tadaaaah!!! it isn't as bad as I think. But the fact is the fact that can't be denied, screwed up means screwed up. No one have the ability to change your answers in some way or another. Unless the examiner sees wrongly, which is highly unlikely, because I think they're being paid to mark the papers? and that they'll cautiously check everything.
WHICH.. does not gonna benefit me. People makes mistakes but to me, cambridge is a SAINT,
will never ever make mistakes. Even if mistakes made, they WILL rectify.

Hey can you imagine like, if you're one more mark to a higher grade? That'll be so painful la.
Ofcos you'll never know, but.. I got this 'feeling' my scores will be like 1 or 2 marks off a certain grade. Sad...
Cambridge please be lenient and take pity on me. YES I SUCCUMBED TO TEMPATATIONS..
but some of the errors I made owe it to nervosity I swear for example not finishing the essay.
And ok la, carelessness also. I saw the wrong time.
I'm not saying my Eng is good la, but I mean, hey, I dont deserve such bad result just bcos i've not enough time to write and I was rushing the whole essay in 15minutes for the story writing.
Being able to 'almost finish' that essay about making you guys to laugh isn't an easy task.
For that, I dont deserve a just pass please oh my goodness.

Ok it's ok... why am I still thinking abt it? Still rmb I called bff jennifer and cried cos of one amath question which consists of a lot of marks. Bf and bff comforted me but still, I couldnt forgive myself how can I throw such marks away..
I threw many marks away, not bcos I dont know how, but bcos of minor carelessness etc.
Sad right? I can tell you it's very heart pain... to the max...
Nvm, again, it's my fault, not enough practise.
Poor parents to have such useless daughter who forever can't prove herself.
To think I still wanna make use of this opportunity to prove myself, dream on..
Like Mum said, I'm a person who doesnt have the WILL. One minute, yes I'm determined. Another minute, turn around and say IT DOESNT MATTER. Wtf is this..
Why do i have this kind of personality? Why oh why....
I told myself I need to change, I have to changed but I can't, fuck it, I just can't..
But then again, what's the point of changing now?

It's 2.43am now. A very romantic night with gentle breeze blowing thru my just dyed hair.
I dyed reddish brown. First attempt sadly it didn't turn out the colour I wanted, and some patches are black. Damn, shud have used liese.
Mum said use one bottle but I went research on youtube and people warned that if you've long hair, use 2 bottles. Mum insist 1bottle so being that obedient good daughter, I obeyed. Outcome is = fail.
See this shows that adults are not always right. But since they're the seniors, esp parents, no choice, have to obey. Sigh.

Dyed the second time this morning, and tadaaah, it sorta turn out the way I wanted it to.

Quite satisfied. I mean ya I'm a red head now!!! hehehehe jk la.
Camera exaggerated on the first picture, it wasn't so red. I think bcos I used a diff mode. :D
It IS that kind of reddish brown I wanted anyway :D:D:D
First time dying my hair cos after all it's after O levels.

Bro saw me dyeing and say he wanna dye it too!
He still needa go school I mean it isn't even logical he dye now la. I didnt even dye it after my N levels.

So my next step is the perm my haaair! Hehehe, like only the ends.
Cos after all even if I reborn it'll still go back to normal in less than 6months. -_-
So just try out perming lor. I want a gentle perm with big waves and specifically ONLY THE ENDS, hopefully it turn out well. But the prob is when am I gonna do it..
Mum still havent give me the money as promised and I'm just toooo thin skinned to ask her and REMIND her bout it.. Sigh. Like a parasite.
Am gonna straighten my fringe, ugly fringe, and do treatment. Hair is insanely SPOILED, like totally. Need to rectify it ASAP!!!!

OH AND MY eyebrows... horrible like vegetable. Gonna trim it asap too, like maybe later?
I want smexy eyebrows hehehehe... :)

My Birthday is on 17th November which is tomorrow.
Not excited at all, just neutal. Curfew = 9.30.
I really miss the past when I dont have curfews at all.. Life was so nice and my relationship with my parents were good. Now, just because of the M18 pictures caused them to be so demanding.
9.30 after much negotiations. why not 11.30? Even 11.30 also not enough for me. 12 la 12.
I think 12 should be. I mean hello?? it's my birthday eh and it's like once in a year?!
Why can't I make full use of my birthday with the one I love? right now, is only the one I love.
But they just have to set stupid rules and curfews on my birthday?

It is not as if my birthday is before O levels, right? It's OFFICIALLY after O levels.
What can I do when I get home? Study?! Sigh, I can't understand what they thinking.
They told me to try being in their shoes. If I ever ever have children, I wont even be like this esp on their birthday. Whats the purpose of going out? Is to enjoy with your friends, your bf, to have an awesome movie, have a gd meal, go for shoppings etc, but if you have to always check your watch worrying you exceed the curfew, will you, really enjoy?
My children will NOT have curfews. I'll just tell them try not to exceed 11pm, bcos thats really late... what stupid pathetic curfew? thats just plain bullshit.
For god's sake it's already after national exams, if poly starts, I dont even have to chance to do that. But now, I ALREADY can't. Sigh..

So what if exams are over. Do I get the freedom I yearn for?
Even if it's just merely a dinner like just now, he already made such a big fuss.
A dinner with bf had already caused me so much pain and tears.
What's more a whole day outing? It really suck to be just facing the stupid laptop and the retarded fb with ppl ranting about their life or boasting abt how awesome their day is while I'm just sitting down reading thru their 'diary'? I dont even care! But I've to care bcos I'm stuck in this house, no where else to go, only fb and twitter. Parents will never ever understand this point. They just want you stuck in the house, they're happy.
I just want to spend my holiday wisely, is that so difficult?
YES IT IS, for being their child.

Bf found a job for me few weeks ago. 1hr 8 bucks, From 11am to 6pm. (best deal ever)
But I procrastinated and today then I call the person so all the slots were taken up fuck it.
Now he's helping me to find... hopefully a NOT demanding job with reasonable pay ohmygod please. I'm just a newbie in the working world.
Once he help me find my 'desirable' job, I'm so gonna work none stop I dont even wanna come home. A home should be a warmly and perfect place to live in, a place where you look forward to.
But for me, I'm just SICK and TIRED of here, wasting my tears and breath here.
You know how much I hate it now? I dont like restrictions. I want to do the things I want.
I'm already 17, I know my limits, I know what to do. I won't do things that I HATE to unless i've no choice. I'm a teenager and I ought to enjoy my teenage life.
I sound like I have a broken family but ok put it this way, this family may be just TOO PERFECT for me I can't handle it.
I really envy girls who have that adequate amt of freedom, as in not those parents who totally dont care, parents who care but do not restrict so much.

Like teenagers who tell their parents, "Hey Mum/Dad, I'm going out."
Then their mum/dad will reply, "Ok, do not stay out too late!"
Telling them these is so that they are aware their children are out, not like some pri school kid asking and HOPING their parents will grant them permission, this is like the situation I'm having now. Sometimes even need to have a BIG arguement be4 allowing.
This is something I dont get it. One family, why must argue over such stuffs?
I go out means I go out la goddammit still need what stupid permissions not like Idk how to tc of myself, not like i've a major exam to sit the next morning or one month after?!
Can they just enlighten. One day dont enlighten means one day of my suffering.

You know whats the best thing? Holidays dont come as and when. It's fixed.
Once missed, it's over. You'll have to wait for the next one which will be idk billion years after.
I dont want to wait. I DONT LIKE TO WAIT.
I'm tired of quarrelling with the people I love esp family. Family is what I treasure most.
The last I want to quarrel with. but do I have the chance?

I love my boyfriend just like how I love my family.
If my Dad always want to quarrel and talk bad about my boyfriend, do you thnk I feel good?
Like I'm not upset? Dad always says he doesnt like to see me and bro quarrelling/fighting because we're is xing gan. Then me? Both of them are my xingan. It's the same example!
If my boyfriend is a bad person, do you think I will even stick with him?
He loves me.
He made the effort to call me everyday without fail, asking how's my day etc.
He wipes my mouth everytime after meals, without fail.
He pat me to sleep in the taxi knowing that I love pats and he wants to make use of every opportunity he have to pat me.
He loves me ugly. He loves me having pimples all over, he loves me growing fat, he loves me clipping up my fringe, he loves me digging my nose, he loves me farting, he loves me moody, he loves me sneezing even when mucus fly all over. He loves me without any make up, he loves me messy, he loves me.

Even when I'm unhappy, troubled over problems, he wants to rectify each and every of them.
He comfort, he advice, he listens, like a bestfriend.
He buy me things just to make me happy. He knows I like ramen so even if ramen is not his favourite he still accompany me to eat, happily. He knows it stressful during exam periods, he buys my favourite apple strudel for me. He buys durians for me even if he didn't really like the smell. He knows that I suffer a lot when having period, he bought choco marvel for me, to ease the pain. He wouldn't mind coming all the way here from the extreme west all the way to the east, just to see me for awhile.

He thought of the future. He meticulously planned it all out.
He decides whats good for me. He earned money, putting me as motivation.
He loves my parents. He buy food to please this brother of mine.
He really love my family.

How can he be not good? DAD????!! I'm not stupid. If someone loves me, treat me good, wholeheartedly, without motive, I know it. If there are motives are intentions, I KNOW IT and I wouldnt even spend any of my time on them. Like as if I'm still a small little girl who can't see who's the bad guy who's the good guy? I'm forever a small little girl. right.

Sometimes bf even cares for me too much he becomes overly protective and possessive.

Thats the reason why I hate it when people who don't understand speaks ill of him, or happily say he's just playing with me, just a womaniser, a playboy, an overly possessive freak, you guys don't even know a single thing! Wanna judge, be me. Try being me!
Nvm, I can understand when ppl judge because I used to judge a lot. but i'm improving, i cant even be bothered to make comments.

SIGH to sum up, life sucks. alot. when people dont put themselves into your shoes.
Me me me. People only just thought of ME. Which is themself.
try putting yourself in others' shoes. and maybe listen to some emo songs.
Feel the PAIN. Feel the pain of what others are getting instead of staying in your own lalaland please for GOD'S SAKE.

K SO ANYWAY..
Althou I'm not very enthu bout my birthday, I'm still quite looking forward to it because fatty bf (i mean ya I love to call ppl fatty hahahaa it's such a nice word) has planned out everything for me. Even that 'night surprise' he said. Damn the shitty curfew once again. 9.30. Hope the shitty MRT enthu on that day, or maybe just take a cab. Ugh..
I hope everything will turn out well. No interference etc please oh my it's my birthday.. :(
And please don't rain.. Although I love rain but we can't deny is a big hindrance to people going out/who have plans. SO PLEASE SEXY RAIN... know your limits.

AND! On the 18th November, which is one day after me being officially 17 years old,
I'll be meeting BFF Jennifer!! Jen has been my friend for already 5 years!
We met in a tuition and still stayed contact. Just that this year we stayed MORE contact :)
Friends who bother to call you occassionally and ask about how you're doing is so heartwarming.
And I also randomly call and disturb her sometimes. I mean you can't always expect ppl to take the first move right if not the opposite will feel that it's only HER who wants to keep this friendship going. If she's important, you'll call her. You'll WANT TO talk to her.
That's then a meaningful friendship, worthy to keep.
Sometimes people just want the one they value make an effort to care for them even it's merely a "How are you doing?" text. Trust me, it's nice to hear/see.
That's how friendship can laaaaast. Hah, thats what both of us were discussing on the phone the other day, adding on to stupid jokes and stuffs I meannnnn why this girl always make my day?
Talking about nothing and still end up laughing?! TRULY MADLY DEEPLY? HAHAHA.

OH and i've been watching gossip girl like few days be4 MCQ.
Hah, MCQ cfm fail. LOL. I watched it because Bf watches it LOL.
And I thought it was a really sexy show, so I watch lor. But as I watch more and more of the episodes, it gets boringggg.. -_-
But still, I will persevere and watch! Hehehehe. I love Serena. She's so hawt!!! and she's a very good friend. :)
And Blair and Chuck makes a kewwwt couple. Hahaha like it when Blair always make chuck jealous. reminds me of myself LOL.

Oh now talking bout movies.
I WANNA WATCH BREAKING DAWN!!!!!!!

I always love twilight episodes. Like love it sooooo much.

No matter how many ppl say it's boring and not worth to watch, (eg. my brother) I still love twilight. I love Stephanie Meyer for creating the books and indirectly, the movies.
Ok la I'm a girl. I love romance. I love the handsome guys Edward and Jacob. Can't blame ppl like my bro for not liking this type of shows. Boys ma.
But bf's special!!!! He's okay with twilight in fact, like me, he read all the books hehehehe.. :D
Can't waaaaait to watch!!!! Movie will be coming out on the 22nd.

Will be going to Bali on 21st. Damn, I dont even wanna go.

I'm perfectly okay with Australia, Taiwan, or maybe Hai nan (Bf's hometown lol) but I dont want to go Indonesia. I mean whats there for me to go....The weather's also the same as Singapore or even warmer -_- Walaooo. But Bali, maybe I can try it out lor.

Mum say can go facial, body massage, enjoy the beach (heard the beach's the popular place)
My elder aunt who came back from England not long and her husband are going with us too!
Hehehehe she's my favourite aunt. At least not so irritating LOL.

Dad say it's rare for family and relatives to get togather, and go overseas, so I must treasure this chance. Well it's true it's a rare opportunity, so I'll just go lor..

But I just wanna announce that I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO GO BALI.
1) Not the desired country I wanna go
2) Not hearing bf sexy voice
Will be going from 21st to 25th. :) :(

Thinking bout it, leaving Singapore for awhile is a good thing also la.

Kay ah. It's like 5am in the morning le.
Finally blogged and got those resentments out of my chest.
Feel much betterrrrr. :D
Anyway, I cried while listening to this song sia and I suddenly miss bf so much.

That ass sleep liao because he got work fuck screw work. OK SO YA, this is the song that made me tear. :'( Very saddening song...

It's like a breakup song so sad right??? :(
I could like literally feel the pain already. OMG OMG.

Anyway.. This song is soooo nice... Not as emo as the one above.
The MV is nice too hehehehe. ^-^

In another life, I will be your girl.
We keep all our promises, be us against the world.
In another life, I would make you stay.
So I don't have to say you were the one who got away
That one who got away.

4th :)

2011-11-05T01:55:00.001-07:00

OK! So yaaaaay.. it's the end of major papers, only left with the very extra Chinese and MCQ.
And so I'm gonna update this deaaadddd blog.

Talking bout exams, hais, sad to say... every papers i'm filled with regrets.
It's either I didnt finish, didn't read ques properly, made careless mistakes, etc.
Very irritating right? Ok la, i deserve it cos I didnt prepare myself earlier.. Really deserve it lor.
So if the results are so-so or very not good, i accept it. I just hope that it won't be so bad.
Hope God can really help me scrape thru this! :'(
I know I'm a bad person, a person who don't usually do good deeds etc. But wait, I think I got donate 2 dollars to an old man lor. At least wo you xin ma ^^
So ya, God please please help me! At least not over 20points..

Ok enough abt results!
Shall upload some overdue photos which I'm afraid Dad will catch me using the laptop in the midst of exams. Now, i can blog and upload pics openly! Life's so good!
Oh but talking bout freedom, I dont really have it yet, must wait these 2 papers to end then parents have no excuse for this and that le. Ofcos I know how to limit myself and be a good girl la. :)

Pictures below are taken yesterday with boyfee which is our 4th month ♥

Paranormal activity 3 was so scary lah!!!! Can't stop hugging bf!!
I dont think I'll ever watch horror movies le, very scary when you're gonna do things alone!

And these pictures are our 1 month anniversary when boyfee wrote a scrapbook for me... from the day we met, with photos cut and glued neatly on each page and love poems. :)
Not forgetting a bouquet of flowers, a leg 'bracelet' (which he learnt from boys over flowers to tie me and not let me go... :b), and a blue handbag which I brought yesterday hehehehe.
But bcos it was a weekday and there were stupid restrictions, we went for lunch instead of dinner. Dinner was really awesome. Didn't bring my camera cos the food were so cute!!!!!!
The chef's really creative la :D

Pictures yesterday :)

And outing my family at Marina Sands :)

Food is awesome but not perfect without boyfee!!!! :(

Beijing chicken hehehehe

My favourite cereal prawns!!! DAMN NICEEEEEEEEEEE

Ok end of pictures. Think I missed out some pictures but everything is on fb except some of my zilian photos just in case ppl comment zilian. Hah!

But hor, talking bout zilian, I long time never zilian le lor. So this is a chance and that explains the many many individual pics I took on the top! Heh...

Yesterday was one of my happiness day in my life. :)

So fun leh. Was supposed to go escape theme park de lor, but cos the weather these few days eh.. moodswing.

aiya, cannot blame, there are times when we feel down too, much more... weather.

But hor, it's saddening cos it hindered my plans :(

The last time I went escape was with my 2 BFFs, Keonah and Lin Dan, ever since then, never le so I thought of going ma, then going rain. Hmmm sad.

Nvm, another time when weather feels better lor.

There sooo many things I wanna do now.

Like going out with my bestfriend, Jennifer, and Lin dan.

Then Queenie. And Cynthia mama!!! And, boyfriend too. (in case he emo say I only want to go out with friends tsk tsk tsk)

Oh then I also wanna work.

Elder aunty and her husband from england coming back next wed le, I miss her so much I really do! Then weeks after, we'll be going Bali togather which means I gonna leave bf for 5 days!

Will miss him lotsa. :(

I'm not even interested in Bali, I thought maybe other parts of Australia which I didn't go.. but Dad dont want to go western countries. hais hais, he king ma, everything also he decide.

I wanted to tell him I DONT WANT GO BALI de, but he forced me and bro by booking the tickets first. Book liao, how to not go? Smart plan right.

So go lor.. aiya, spend quality time with family also good! Much more can do body massage, facial, and see the beautiful beach Bali is known for.

K la, believe it shud be worthwhile! Hope there's internet there, so I can chat chat with bf online at night if possible.

Anyway, I want to trim eyebrows. My disgusting eyebrows, dammit so ugly.

It's time to go pretty pretty after o's, right? But need to ask parents for money.

Haisss... very the thick skinned sia. Adding on to the fact that, in what position am I to spend their money? The results and everything? Hmph, shall see if one day Mum offer me or 'donate' me some. Yes, work. Go to work. But how to work yet... stupid 2 papers havent over.

seem so long :'(

Nvm. Belive things will get better when exams are officially over!

Can really have freedom, (hopefully!)

P.s: Christmas is coming!!!! I could really feel the ambience!!!!!!!! X'mas is an occassion boyfriend most value cos it's romantic. HEHEHEHEHE

2011-10-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hi babyyy!!!!

Ok la. boring. Exams are just.. what? 2 more weeks? and, im here "HI BABY-ING",

very slackish. Skipped recess cos I wanna slim slim slim down, not really bcos I wanna study.

In fact, i wasn't even studying, i was just.. starving. But I really dont want be fat ass ma ke yi ma?

I wanna be skinny. Like sooo super skinny. Like only BONES. BONES. HARD BONES only.

Dont think hubby will allow, but.. at least now, I'm looking forward for a normal size, not a fat one. Maybe until I achieve the 'normal' size ba..

I was so stressed up this morning bcos, one thing, very hot tempered, dont feel like talking in the morning (unless I can disturb people), another thing, father keep rushing me when I already can't control my body because my mind usually struggles to comprehend instructions and then relays them to my sluggish body, this happens not only in the morning but everytime!!! sucks right. Anyway it just wanna go into the 'slow motion' mode what aku can do? Nags nags in the morning, there is no way I could express my anger any deeper, so all I can do, or should I say.. what I did was, threw my bag on the floor. HARD. when to eat, then slam the door. AND, teared.

Also, i really hate that sleepy face and bleary eyes of mine, and the useless assembly.

So sometimes even if I'm 10 or 15 mins early, I'll cross my legs, wait on the sofa, till it reaches my 'desired' timing. Cos as far as I can drag, I'm not go early for ASSEMBLY, esp when it takes quite a while be4 everyone is in position for assembly. might as well just go there and sit down straightaway hor.

Anyway my main point is, I have no idea why time is such a bitch, and passes so effing fast.

And I have no idea why am I such a lazy bum to get things done.

How many days can I procrastinate already? Too bad, just too lazy and sleepy and.. feeling helpless. kinda..., kinda.. hopeless.

Ok la, wanna cry already. I go lalaland and cry, at least wont feel so real. bye. bye people. bye..

and miss me.

2011-08-31T02:31:00.000-07:00

Yet another warm afternoon, fighting hard not to sleep.
As usual, skipped sch again but this time it's for a different reason.
This time.. insomnia hits and I was awake until 4plus am. Negative thoughts overwhelmed me AS USUAL. and this time, my brain 'decided' to have visions of me receiving my 'O' level cert, crying and yelling, with lotsa tissue papers on the table... the bed... I could visualise my friends comforting me, trying to cool me down, borrowing tissues. I could see Dawn acting like one angel, but in her heart, laughing mad at me. I could see those smug assholes who used to be giving unnecessary hurtful comments in class laughing happily because they got their desired result and me, at a corner, fighting back my tears, mouth sealed.
I could see my parents, speechleess or maybe Father getting all crazy.
Everyone calling me useless. worthless. The world's most hurtful words came shooting at me like arrows after arrows, needless to say, piercing through my heart. Worst thing? no painkillers at all.

I could see myself sitting on my study desk, flipping all the books, re-studying again, absorbing as much as I can. And then again, wonder why didn't I study before that?
This is the first scene.

Second scene.
Love may fade. People say distance is not a BIG factor in a relationship, communication is..
so here am I, the naive girl, wanna ask, isn't communication and distance somehow linked?
I could see myself, helpless, troubled, insecure, I could see us going seperate ways.
I could see myself scolding me, why did I let you go?
After countless 'experiences', I grew to know myself better. But however much I know myself, I still have no idea what I want, what I really seek for. Is it love all I want? or more..

I don't wanna let anyone down.

Scenes after scenes.... god, it just can't stop.

Last night was horrible. It was terrible.
It was just more than a tissing or tossing on the bed, it was rubbing toes and fingers.
Totally, I wouldn't say hyper, I guess anxiety is the right word to use.
I was worried bout the things that can never, or has yet to happen.
I was affected by the pasts. The good things AND the bad things. Small small scenes even when I was sec 1 till now..... all those happenings.

I reflected on myself, on how I treat my parents. Often, taking them for granted.
It was Mum's birthday yesterday. and we went for vegetarian meal. Not to be surprise, she never fails to have a vege meal on her birthday.
So we went to this particular vege restaurant to eat. Simple, but declicious.
I saw each of my family members faces while eating. Yes, smilling, but, hidden with lotsa sorrows. Each one of them have their own problems. I didn't like the atmosphere.
I can totally understand the pain of being a parent and thats why till now, i'm still against marriage!!!!

As we get older, it becomes more difficult to be happy. We yearn for many things, we compete with each other for the blahs, people have lesser time for communication..
I miss being a child. Like a kid who worries about not getting their share of sweets, or not being able to go playground to play with the other kids.
Now, my worries? Fuck many! Dont even have enough fingers to count.
And each trouble weighs like 1 zillion pounds. Cmon my heart is just the shape of my little fist, how can zillion pounds weigh on it?!!! Life's so unfair.
I'm so dumb. Nothing gets into my head. I'm so lazy like fuck I don't know why.
I feel TIRED and SLEEPY everyday. I hate school, partly because of the teachers, and the 'not being able to wake up', but also... nvm.

Parents keep stessing the fact that I've got 1 more year to study and that I'm suppose to be in POLY by now but yet I'm still schooling. then back to the PSLE part.
If you think about it, sec 5 is not about ONE more year to study because the topics are spread.
The reason why express students tend to do better is because their topics are not spread into another year and they have time to get those infos saturated into their brain, refreshed.
Then, go to the exam hall take the exam. Done. Sec 5? So messy.
Most of the things we learnt, are all forgotten. now we've to refresh it back again, meaning re-study, re-memorise them, adding on to more difficult topics we've to learn??

We're not retainers you know. Retainers are the ones who really have got one more entire year to learn. Sec 5 do not have one ENTIRE year. We learn topics we've never learnt, even if some topics we've learnt before, there are also more to know, to discover.
My dear parents, please stop stressing on me having 1 more year and wasting my time blablabla. Dad, if you peep at this post, I can't blame you if you don't understand because after all the education system now and the past is different, you can help me by not demoralising me.

Now I need is encouragement. ok????

Haiya whatever. just stop pestering me. already got enough to worry about.

Have to worry bout my looks also. SIGH seriously SIGH.
MF pimples and fats. and ugly hair

free me

2011-07-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

Like finally. Have the urge to blog after a shit long time.
I shall make use of this time, when I'm like, quite emo... to blog blog.

So basically, not maaaaany good things had happened to me recently. Gonna blog everything out.....

So yeah, everything's my fault la. I posted the pics on facebook, forgot to block my 6year old niece.
So if I'm not wrong, the whole situation is my niece saw, then she show my Aunt.
And my Aunt told my Grandma, my Grandma told my Mom. Mom told Dad.
Dad hit the roof, killed me, I died. But for some reasons, I'm alive again.

Dad went to search for the camera, saw every nc16 photos, even those taken at the park after Cherie's birthday celebration. Can you see how fucked I feel?
Hey, your DADDY saw all pictures of you getting all lovey dovey with your boyfriend.
You know how awkward is it? Daddy AND Mummy somemore.

Dad confronted me, scolded me, nagged at me. I was totally fucked by every of my family member except my lovely bro who have been so supportive of me. He even defended me.
Hah, the last thing I ever expect from my family when comes to this kind of situation is my bro defending me. Looks like I underestimated him already huh..
Huhu, love my bro a lot. Like to the maxxxx. :D Ok la, thou he always piss me off but still.

Even Mum came and talk to me. She cried. She thought I become a 'dono what girl' already.
Sigh.. seriously Mum, seriously. Look at how WELL you understand your daughter.
It's okay. I'll prove to you.. I'm still your good girl and your good girl had chose the right man. :)
Yes I know, at this point of time now, no one will trust me, everyone will only discriminate me, use that kind facial expression to look at me. Be it my family, or relatives.
Someday, you guys will go, "Esther, I wronged you." or something like that. Hahaha.

Because I've got no face to see my family. Oh wait, "no face" as in they saw my kissing photos with my boyfriend (that awkwardness) and not "no face" cos I did this kind of things behind their back. Get it clear. I don't see there's anything wrong also. Till now.
Just didn't wanna argue with Dad cos another word from me bout this issue, think he's gonna gimme a big tight slap. I dont want my face to be swollen siol.. already fat enough. -_-

So yeah. Ok parents you guys are RIGHT. Everything's RIGHT. I mean every word coming from your mouth(s) are RIGHT. We, the "CHILDREN" are always wrong. Okay, so what's the point of arguing then? I might as well just shuddup, lock myself in the goddamn room, and not talk to anybody. Oh, adding on to the "bitch face" I'll give you guys.

I didn't mean to do that, but I can't control my emotions. And my emotions affect my behaviour.
You say I'm wrong? Ok fine.. I might as well go all WRONG till the end.
Dad and Mum were kinda worried. So one night, Mum came and talk to me reaaaally nicely and explain things to me. That.. she's sorry that she didn't really show care and concern to me those past few months because of her serious vertigo.

Actually no. Those past few months, she have been showing care for me.
Like when I came back late, she'll ask me if I've taken my dinner, and if I haven't, she'll cook for me, or ask my maid to cook blah blah.

I've no idea why she said she didn't care for me. She did. Mum, you really did.
I understand why you said you didn't, cos you thought you haven't done enough, resulting in the change in me. I have not changed! I am still me! I wasn't arguing that time, I was just explaining things! Why do you guys have to assume it's me being defiant and shits?
It is when words don't get into your brains so I had to raise my voice a little! But you know.. I didn't meant to. I love you Mum, I love you Dad.. really.

But your actions really make me feel disgusted. Especially Dad.
Why do you have to do things I hate? I can understand your worries. But, can you not do things to that extent? It's awful. For you. For me. For us.

Okay the fact is.. I really love my parents. Despite all those insensible things they did, like nagging/shouting to boyfriend on the phone, calling me (and if I don't pick up) and then divert to boyfriend at 5plus to check on me, peeping at what I'm doing at the laptop, calling my Uncle to 'counsel' me... etc.
The ways may not be right, but ultimately, the reason remains the same... they love me. they want the best for me. They want to bring me back.. to the right path.
For that, I understand. But it cannot be used as an excuse for them to be so controlling, unreasonable. That can't be an excuse. get it.

Yesterday, boyfriend met Uncle and Dad. They talked for long hours, about me, about our well.. so called 'wrongdoings'.
Uncle told bf to send me a breakup message. Uncle wants us to make a clean break.
Bf told me everything. He said that it pains him to even send me the message although we were just acting. Because Uncle wants to see the 'breakup' message.... so no choice, he've to send me.

Bf knows I'm upset bout the 'fake breakup msg' even though it's just FAKE but still, it will, it did hit me psychologically..
So he once again, emphasise on the love he have for me, now and forever, adding on to a love dedication on facebook.
The words are inverted so that no one will suspect anything.. not even church mates.
Good idea huh. Secret code. I like that :)

Thanks bf for being sensitive and observant towards my feelings.
Thanks for tolerating my unreasonable tantrums I throw.. once in a while. :D
Oh, and thanks for trying to be a perfect boyfriend. You're the best, hehehe.

K so back to the topic on this ISSUE.
Dad thought I didn't know bout he confronting bf but actually, I know, I'm aware of everything.
Forget it. I won't argue/reason with him, or blame him over this. Too mentally and physically exhausting, get it.
Anyway it's over. So yeah, he's still my Dad, just that not as perfect as I think la.
He wants me to be his awesome daughter, so I shall act like I don't know then..

Went for dinner with my family yesterday night.
Chit chat bout random things.. and yeah, that was when I realise how much I love my family and how much I don't wanna lose them. So please... don't make me.
I'll try to be your perfect daughter cos I love you'all..

_______________________________________________________

In conclusion for the past few days, everything SEEMS to be fine now.
My family, my love.... though I still have to carry on the ACT. What act? I dono what act la, whichever act. the act of being the perfect daughter, a good student, or whatever shit.
You guys just proved to me that life is indeed a drama. In this case, everyone's actor la? no?
So okay. I accept it..

________________________________________________________

2nd Uncle invited us for dinner at Marina Sands.
And I just realised my AUNT who powtow me, is going.
Sorry but I really can't put this hatred behind me. It's she who made me lost my pride infront of my other relatives and my parents, who I've to face every single day.

Now, I don't know whether to go or not.

I guess I shall just go and give the black face.. while enjoying the food.
If she dare to ask me bout my bf, or blah blah shit, I'll seriously just flare up.
Won't fucking care if my parents are looking or not, I'll just shoot at her directly, or give sarcastic answers. Come push me.
Really sia.. thanks for ruining my life la.
You've no idea how your "good intensions" led me to the worst of the worst.
I really don't know if I should sincerely say thank you, or hate you. Humph.
WHATEVER, dont wanna think anymore.
________________________________________________________________

あなたは私の手を保持し、私と一緒に暗闇の中を歩くのでしょうか？私はあなたが知っている。

2011-07-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

You know what it's so irritating to post pictures with boyfee. I've to download, then delete, not forgetting delete another time at recycle bin.
And then i've to resave again to post on blogger.

Ok anyways.. that explains the few photos only. Posted EVERYTHING on facebook and block some irritating relatives of mine. Close friends will know what happened..
Hais, like srsly. Cant believe this is happening to me. Life's such a bitch!!!!!

kk so here are the few photos I randomly posted~

Boyfee waiting for me now on the phone. LOL. GTGGGGGGGG.

EH DONT FORGET TO UPDATE OUR BLOG IDIOTTTTTT :D

2011-07-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

Missed school for 3 days eh.. Like guilty shit only. Though I didnt learn anything but still.. yeah
Lazy to type. Pictures shall do the talking first.

This cute bung friend of mine. I don't get it. Are all bungs so cute???!!!

Ok. I shall type really fast cos my parents are coming back soon.. and then they're gonna question me why I didn't go school again. And this time.. not kidding liao, confirm I tio some cannings or whatever. Ohno.. please. Aiya whatever, actually my endurance level quite high, lol.

Shall just act one poor thing.

So these few days.. no school for me. You know the feeling is... so nice. Like rejuvenated.

Hahaha. Been spending time with boyfee~

Because his night classes' gonna start soon.. therefore, lesser time to meet. Hmph.

HEHHHHHHH.

This week will be our 'everyday' meeting. Next week, not already.

Good thing also. Then I can make use of this time to really get into.. er, studying? lol.

OK fuck suddenly feel so moody. kay bye.

2011-07-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

OVERDUE POST which is saved into draft. Fail sia.

So many things I needa accomplish today. UGHHHH.

Need to find info bout the stupid DPA thing.
Make a decision!!!! Hate making decisions.
Do the math graph.
And the English speech.
All these are a MUST, the rest.. I think can procrastinate la whatever, lol.

Oh.. And.. I've been lying a lot these days.
Lying to my parents I go for group study with a couple of classmates, but actually not.
And tonight, I gotta lie again. Cos I wanna watch movie!!!!! Huhu.
Hope bf can find a good horror movie. It has been since a long time I watched horror. :(

Last night, I thought of all my worries, troubles.
Typically, I counted them.. DPA, Chinese oral on Monday, freaking O levels,
I realised all these have got to do with my 'future' directly or indirectly.
Bf told me to just do my best, and have confidence. But I can't seem to get through this psychological barrier. Friggin unprepared and insecure.
Hate to say this, but I really, really, hate my personality. Oh, to be precise, EMOTIONS.

Kay. I gotta do something today, and not always on the internet looking at shit.
Ehhh not porn ah, dont anyhow, lol. I'm always viewing twitter for quotes.. and view view view.. it's after 4 hours alady. I was like.. seriously? Time pasts so fast with twitter.

P/S: Oiii, I kept laughing when reading the blog post dedicated to me last night. Alright, reading it again later, lol. And.. faster post a pic of youself uh! SO LONG one~ T_T

Edited @ 1.16PM.

Yesterday, Queenie the cute bung friend of mine came to my house for awhile.
Chatted a lot bout relationships. And.. for some reasons, she made me feel a lot better bout it.
Haha :)

Weigh out relationships

2011-07-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

Today, quite a retarded day la. I mean everyday is retarded but today.. Is seriously retard.
Learn nothing. And the whole class was discussing bout "be yourself day", after hours of discussing about the theme, they decided to wear pink for tomorrow. I mean like seriously? And the only pink stuff I have is the one I wore on last year's be yourself day! errr...?
So if I go tmr, i've to wear my last year's suit? Indeed a day for "being myself" the last year's me and this year's me. Eeee, lol.
Plus there's PE tmr, wearing beautiful clothes and then getting all sweaty and well.. Doggish?
Ehhh don't kid with me leh..

Also during English lesson today, I attempted to sleep.
So I laid down on the table, getting into lalaland.. And suddenly, I felt myself having breathing difficulties.
And then I realize the weather was so warm, I could barely breath.
I was internally sweating. Oh and plus my habit of not having breakfast...
Why am I so weak.. Both physically and emotionally.

Emotionally thinking too much like always. Hais hais. bad.

Yeah so anyway. Today isn't a good day.
I'm tired, I'm shag, I've no motivation at all. Sucks.
Ask bf if he would support me if I ever ever go ite with that low pay, and he said this, well,
It really brightened my day. He said, "why won't I support you? :) of course I would, I'm just saying to study hard too, make mummy and daddy proud."
I've no idea how many things I re-read that over and over again.
Idk but each time I text this guy, I expect a lot. I analyze his words, a lot.
Alright dear, I'm saying this not to give you pressure but yeah, really.. I expect a lot from you bcos too bad, you showed me you can give me that much.. haha.
You've reached the level that you meant that much to me. And like I've said, you've proven that you're worth it. :)
Oh, and I won't take you for granted, and won't dump you even if I can make it to poly (or ite? Lol) and meet loads of guys there blah blah.
Won't. Won't. Never. Oh ya, thanks for making the effort to create this particular blog dedicated for me. Appreciated!

Oh and I'm sorry girlfriends. You girls needa stalk me to know more about me..
Haha. It's not that I don't wanna say or share but sometimes I really don't know how to put it.
Actually I really suck at expressing..

18th July will be my good friend cherie's birthday.
I hope she can have a good blast for her birthday on the 16th July! =D
Omg can't believe I'm still stuck at 16. Like srsly ah? Alamakz.
Ok just wait... Haiya. How come so long one ah.
Like one small girl. Yeah thanks~~~ Lol!

Last.....
DPA application thingy is drawing near.. And till now, I still have no idea what course I want.
Got bitching course not ah...? Ha, kidding la.
I want this course.. which is at SP ,14 points. Think i can get in meh? In my dreams only please.
How???
So lost la~~~~ Can help me please somebody

2011-07-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

I can't stand the pain.
I'm sick of this life.
I just wanna scream.

How could this happen to me?

Hate it when we've to consider so many factors just to freaking meet.

Fking miss you, bitch.

2011-07-04T04:51:00.000-07:00

Teared when I was having dinner. Have no idea why. Miss you too much? This is what I'll never every tell you in person or maybe I will.
This is how much I miss you though it has been barely a day we haven't met? Or maybe a day exactly. My math sucks la.
I wished the time could stop when I'm with you. Texts, msn, calls are all fake. Cos what I want is.. To see ya in person.
Seeing you in person is real. Just fuck the phone an Internet please. Freaking fake and I can't even see you.

These are words I can never ever say this to you directly.
Too high pride already. You said you love me, but I said I only like you, and not love, yet.
You said you love my flaws, my weaknesses, you said you miss me badly, I miss you badly too.
Seriously texting is stupid la. The only way I communicate with you is listening to the music we listened that time..
That is when I feel you're with me.

So hard, so far, it's killing

2011-07-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

I was out with a bitch on both weekends. HAHAHA Samuel's the bitch. :)

I also don't know where did we went to. Oh, went Marina Square, and then window shopping.
This idiot wants me to shop so he can see my bimbotic moments, fk you!!!! Haha.
And yes, my bimbotic moments are exposed..

Pictures not up to standard, cos I didnt dare to ON the flash, like attract attention only lol.
But my camera's good ok!! :D

I'll never dare to post this pic on facebook. NEVER EVER omg. Look at my FAT FEET EEEEW.

Eh this one nice. But I didn't eat finish... TOO FULL ALADY LAHHH.

An idiot eating :b

This is the real quality of my cameraaaa! =D

Like the blue blue thing~~~~ Someone tried tricks and I got fooled. But anyway, thanks la k! :D

Singaporean actress? Recognise her?

Errr. Chocolate + cherry + alchohol = cough syrup.

You freaking seem like you booked the whole bar, dude!!! haha

Someone likes this dress more than me. xD

So yeah, this is how I spent my whole weekends.

Ugh I'm so screwed. Didn't study for how many days already..

And now still blogging. facebooking chatting? msn-ing?

The scenes of me going ITE or RP is becoming reality.. omg omg srsly.

You know you're so addictive?

Don't have the mood to study again lah..

Suppose to study yesterday with Samuel.

But he's only good in Science, humans, eng,

and the worst shit is.. I brought all his weakest subjects' materials. heh.

So we spent the time watching gossip girl. Lol.

I mean it's only me watching cos he alady watch liaooo.

Lazy for elaboration. But those 2 days were er, awesome? :)

Wa okay I just ate 2 egg tarts and 1 muffin. And now i'm sleepy, I feel like sleeping.
Afternoon always liddat one. Haiya... should I sleep?

But if I sleep, I'll have to go offline. And if I go offline, I can't talk to somebody liao, quite suck thou.

Ok bet he misses me like fk now~~~~~~ WEEE WEEE~~~~ :D

You know my weaknesses and you still love them.

I used to not believe in love at first sight, but i'm starting to believe it.

I don't know how much you can hide, or how good are you in hiding,

but.. I'm gonna believe everything you say.

_________________________________________________________

Overdue pictures with Cynthia :)

2011-06-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

Everything's going on and on, and I've absolutely no idea what isit about, how did it come by.

I'm dying to know. The visions of possibilities keep showing up in my mind.
Scenes after scenes..

Today is a pretty okay day. The sky's nice, the weather's nice. Everything's nice.
You know how rare is it. Plain awesome.

By the way, I seem to start losing my purpose in going school. It's like, I go because I need to.
How??

2011-06-29T03:14:00.001-07:00

Shall do a quick one.

No words can express how I'm feeling now. I'm in a dilemma. Forever one sia.
I'll be sucha dumbass if I post everything here. Like asking for trouble only, after the lesson i've learnt last time. Those lovey dovey stuffs on the internet... and then rumours came about.. wtf?
Still pretty affected by it now though. I mean, how can one be so childish? Nvm. Over alr anyway.

I counted my troubles. And there are LOADS.. I know I shouldnt count it la, but.. yknow I needa know what am I EXACTLY worrying about, so I can settle it ASAP. But then I realised.. settling these burdens/troubles is beyond my ability, much more it requires much time...
I won't self preach the, "Time will eventually heal all wounds." much more, mine's not even a WOUND. LOL. Ok maybe it is la, whatever. I will say.. Only with God's help, I can feel peace.

Right now, my mind is filled with all kinds of thoughts, and those unpleasant memories I don't even wish to remember but it keeps recurring without fail.
Like, when I hear certain songs, or see familiar things, and then those memories hit, there goes my mood for the day..

I don't expect everyday to be good, to be perfect, to reach my expectations, I don't even wish anything. Ok la I did wish everyth to go on smoothly each day... But, it doesnt seem so.
Besides feeling lethargic, awful, unsatisfied, there are more things... more reasons..
I want peace!!!!! really!!!!!!! It's quite difficult to reach to that level, that one I know. Hmph...

I do hope la, still.
I do pray.
I want to make the right decisions.
I want to do what is RIGHT, ditch what is WRONG.
There are many things I wanna say, I wanna do, I wanna vent, but I can't,
I feel out of place. I'm angry, I'm jealous, I hate, I wanna kill, but I can't.
I expect, I hope, I wish, I ponder bout it, I crave, I yearn for it, I make plans, it wouldn't come true.
I love, I want, but everything's going against it.
I feel insecure, mentally physically spiritually exhausted, I feel lonely, I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm disappointed, I wanna cry, cry out loud, I'm in a dilemma, i can't make decisions,
Fame, glory, wealth, prosperity, my needs.
I pondered for long, I brainstorm, what can I really do? Is there really something I can do?
I feel deserted, ditched, vigorously stepped on, I can't and I refuse to retaliate.
I'm confuse, I can't think, I pity.

I dislike my personality. I dislike ME. I dislike BEING ME. I'm aware I'm much more fortunete than others, but, I feel like THIS. I still feel like THIS.

After this, thoughts are gonna spin, again.

There IS something I can do. That is to talk to God about it.
To reflect on myself, every night. Whatever right things and wrong things I've done, I tell to this friend of mine. I know he listens, he answers my prayers, he's gonna get me through every obstacles. Here's a phrase, "God brings you to it, he'll be there to bring you through it."
Yes no doubt, I'm gonna suffer, but he, will not let me die, will not let things reach beyond my limits. I trust, I have faith.. But God, having faith doesn't mean I'm not lost, doesn't mean I don't have the above feelings. I'm still afraid, I'm still insecure, I'm still worried about anything and everything. I miss those...... But I know it's not coming back, again.

I'm affected, God. I'm affected by everything. I analysed too many things, I can't get it done, nor make ammendments to it. I, really don't know what to do. Really.
It's like, I'm drowning in the sea even though imma a good swimmer. Everything's just dragging me down.

Esther asking if you could help her, lead her to where she should be led.

Imma write a second letter to God later.

I miss them, I really do. They brought me happiness, they gave me peace.
No, they allow me to get to know, and experience peace.

You may think, what exactly am I worrying about, what exactly is this EMO GIRL worrying about. Hahahaha HOW BAD CAN HER LIFE BE??? So here's an answer, You judge me. You're not me, you're not in my shoes, you don't know me, you have absolutely no friggin' idea in what am I experiencing. Above all these, you JUDGE... and that's not very wise.

Yes you read this, you know A LOT bout me huh?
But no, this isn't everything. There is more that I wish to express, except, not here.

Edited @ 11.23PM,
Someone just made me day, literally. I ain't being sarcastic. It's true.
After all the things I've been through, I deserve something right...? Eh?
Appreciated, really..

2011-06-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

Actually I wanted to blog long time ago.. But was hindered by twitter.
Hah, as usual la.. For now, thanks to God's help, I feel very neutral to twitter.
As in I'm not addicted to it anymore. Sometimes when I'm on twitter, I don't even tweet. The old me will tweet and spam. Great improvement yea? :)
I think everyone deserves encouragement. Even if it's just a bit of improvement or change. Yeap.

I've been to church camp from 15th - 18th. It feels really good to have a uncle who's a one of the ministers there.. and a cousin who's ranking quite high in church. It's like, I got sort of popular for nothing. Haha ok la that's not the point actually.

During this process, I've learnt a lot of things and I've felt a lot. I love the people there. They're really nice.. unlike other churches so hypocritical. At least they're not hardcore poachers. :b
They love each other for who they are :D and that's what I really like bout it.
Fell asleep during one of the preaching, cos I was too tired.. seriously. And the air con at the auditorium was freezing cold. Like in the fridge or, well, uh, warmer than that a little.
I wonder how my other mates stand it... how ah? I was like praying.. that I'll feel warmer, and really, God answered my prayers. I didn't felt so cold then.

I wonder how people could sacrfice anything for the benefits of others. Like my cousin, Eunice, she brought quite a number of luggages filled with things for the children class. I was like, "wa.. so mafan."
She put others first rather than herself. She can even sacrifice her breakfast.. just.. for others.
And that really touched me. I mean.. hello we're all humans right? How can one be so selfless?
Others first...? Yeah I've seen my Mum and Dad displaying this kind of unselfish, selfless, role model attitude. But someone close to my age, my generation can do all that? Hey.. that's a big deal dude.

She's really a great sister and an awesome care team leader.

I've made a girl-friend during camp too. Hehehehe, she's Chelsia. And she's really nice and funneh. We chatted and then realised we share the same thoughts. Conversation between me and her always include retarted laughters it is unlike me and Cousin's convo, a bit strict LOL.
Cousin very mature, can't joke so much like girl-friend. It's so nice to have a variety of friends.
The mature one, playful one, siao siao one, cute one, enthu one.. haha awesome only.

Yeah so anyways.. I told her everything. We even danced and sang at the hotel room.
Wa Srsly if that time someone video-ed it, we're doom. Really doom.
But! if someone record our voices, I tell you ah.. we popular already. Maybe Singapore idol straight away accept us LOL. Hahahaha!!! Too bad, it's isolated. LOL. :D

Well, yeap. Chelsia a.k.a Li Ming is one of those I'm closest with in the camp cos she's funneh like me. LOL!! I think if you compare the first impression of me, and the 'true colours' of me, like completely diff person eh. (my friends will know) Like split personality.. ppl like me have a higher chance of having split personality I think.. Eeee no pls...Choi choi.

I miss Jerico from the Phillipines. See this little boiboi standing in the middle? he's Jerico. Ppl call him Rico. He's really cute!!!!!
And he's really polite.. that made him even more cute!! Aw man I wish he's my bro.
This real bro of mine is so not cute and so eeeee, heh. But he has his good points too la.
During my Chinese O level, he lent me all his notes and books for my revision.
When I was watching tv at around 11pm plus, he adviced me to sleep if not cannot do well etc.
I was surprised too yknow cos as far as I know, my bro is not like that.
Alright I was utterly wrong he's thoughtful~ I love my bro still la, though he can be quite irritating and he DOESN'T respect me. Whatever whatever.. One day you'll know how awesome am I :)

On the 3rd day of church, Uncle came and look for me and Cousin to meet our distant relatives.
They are christians also just that never go to church already.
Met them.. and they dote on me so muchhhhh. I was finding heels and tank tops.. they wanted to pay for me!!! like almost everything. Hah, but thank God they only paid for the heels.. which is not cheap you know. Urgh miss them ah..

My African church mate!!! Hahaaaaa

Cousin :D

Heh, still got more pics I think... post these so you all can have an overall idea of what is it like.
I'd loads of fun.. and experiences with God, and church mates.

On 18th, I arrived in Singapore.

Monday-Wed, school days from 8am - 3.30pm.
Wa very tiring.. But worth it, at least got learn some stuffs and bonding with my clique.

Hahaha they're WOOO FUN. (Gee Gee Gee Gee~ beh beh beh beh) HAHAHAA!

Although on the last day I kena some lectures by Ms Ng. She told me to work smart. So in other words, she thinks I'm working stupidly. Yeah I agree, it's true. But that was last time already. The 'last time' and 'now' are a bit mixed up though. But it's okay.. God knows how smart I've been working. I don't care bout what people think :)

After school, went J.CO with Anis and Jessah. Hahaha random convos.
It was friggin' funny too. Haha I guess Jess will know what I'm talking about. :D:D:D

For the whole 3 days, I never regret going. My friends play a big part on my motivation to school. Of course, friendship is not everything la.. The crux is whether you've learn something or not this one I know. Hehehehe..

Today. There isn't school. Hmm not exceptionally happy bout it, just neutral.

Yeap. So this is my life for the whole holiday.

It is wisely being made used. Yay I didn't waste it like the other holidays ;)

Oh by the way.. I'll try. Try real hard to refrain from shooting vulgarities..
God will help me with that definitely.

Just an update for today. Grandma treating my whole family for a meal. And so.. out for tonight!

2011-06-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ugh shiet... So many things to do. So many things to arrange.

Madnesssssssss. Things driving me bonkers already la. But!!! I like it.
At least I'm not rotting my time away. yknow.

2011-06-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

Back to reality.

Chionged the hk drama already. Fuck it my tears still havent evaporated. Still on the chair.
The ending very saddening. Saddening not as in heartbreaking ah..
It is.. they're finally togather. But when they're OLD. Wtf?? And the guy died.. of old age.
Ok la, at least not a typical ending. Oh, at the last part, they replayed back the scene when the girl said, "If I die, I wonder who will be waiting at my funeral." And the guy said, "See who die first. If you die first, I'll definitely be waiting."..... Sounds wrong right, sorry ah my cantonese sucks.
But obviously you read like that you won't feel anything. I tell you hor, at the point of time, when this scene was being played right.. the music and everything, really complimented the whole scene. I cried even more wtf wtf wtf.

Now the show end.. Hais, I really don't know what the hell to look foward in life already.
This is me... Anyways, retarted twitter can't go using laptop! Damn sickening I tell you.
Shit website! And so... this is why I've been blogging recently. Cos I can't enter twitter.
Yeah blog is the substitute for twitter.
Good thing bout blog is that there is no word limit!!!! And type whatever I want like this!!!!
one thousand question marks also can! LOL.

K lah, nothing to say already. Quite speechless bout my life.
Cos there is nothing. Srsly NOTHING. I wouldn't say pathetic... they're people worst than me.
Before I end, this is a picture of me. Lol, recently no pictures also.
Sian right? Bear with it.. soon there will be. Hahaha like as if you guys wanna see my photos!
Ok la, I bhb. Byeeeeee.

But I know you guys prefer pictures than words! Right! Ok la this time really bye liao.

2011-06-06T23:55:00.001-07:00

Fuck seriously fuck. Disgusts by your actions. Can't like you anymore.
You can go find your foreign girls. I fucking hack care. Bye.

2011-05-09T23:08:00.001-07:00

Haiiii cheebyeeeessss! :)

Friends say that I've been very vulgar recently. Hais, maybe because I know -you.

LOL but bad words are nice what provided if you put them in a CUTE way. If it's the fierce way, or ahlian way, then it doesnt sound nice... at all. So ok if you wanna learn on how to say the CUTE way, you can call me anytime. My number is 90438954. LOLLLLL joking la.

Anyways. These are the super overdue pictures. Some pictures are taken last year.

Just post them up lah cos I think i look presentable. Hello, it's just PRESENTABLE, not saying it's nice. >>> T_T

Looking at the pictures.. I really miss those past times lor!! Emo liao la.

Esp I miss my fringe hais.. look at now. Look at this damn fringe now. Nobody says it's ugly. But obviously I know you all just giving me face only cos it's shit. Shitness you know? Hais nvm.

And the fake eyelash. I miss my fake eyelash my Mom "accidentally" threw away last year.

Sadded la seriously sadded!!!!! Should I buy the exact same one again? Just wondering..

Aiya whatever lah! No matter what it's still school days... sianz.

Ya ya ya, I know June holidays coming but it seems damn long to me cos yeah, in the midst of exams ma. Tmr bio exam, and then... Amath paper 2. And all those rubbish 'exams' like oral, listening aiya not important one lah. Just talk and listen can already. Unless you've got any tips?? Yes, no?

I thought of posting a long post here but cos twitter is distracting me!

Talking to my twitterers bout the exams.. Ok la, bye.

Lesson to people who get easily distracted..~

2011-04-26T04:13:00.000-07:00

Hi, hah like how long since I've blogged. That's because I've been using my Mum's iphone tweeting and was kinda lazy to use iphone to blog.
Typing on iphone must be so precised. The shittest prob is.. it always act smart, anyhow change the spelling. Iphone, if you've ears, you understand el, I would wanna tell you.. You're sucha fool oh pls.

Ok lol. I almost gave up waking up this morning.
I slept at like hmm 1am last night, so resulting in my loss of motivation for school, and the shutoff sensation fk. And I stayed up bcos I did a last minute study on BIO. 3 chapters.
But Peter told me 2 chapters only. I studied extra. And the next morning they said Mr. T added in the xtra chapter I studied. Hahaha how nice can God be..
Anyways.. what I'm trying to say is, don't ya see everything is linked? Or yeah, you can say everyth happens for a reason, eh?

Back to the morning part before drifting further. So yup, I was thinking about, how bout not going to school today? Anyways i can study @ home or whatnot. But something inside is like telling me... "Eh wake up bitch. So think it's all worth it not going to sch? Firstly, you need to explain urself on why u are absent. Sec, what if teacher gave some tips on exams. You'll lose out. Thirdly, there is a test. Fourthly, you gonna back a test paper. Dont you want it, huh huh huh?"
Based this thing that is inside me.. telling me this and that, I pushed myself up, dragged myself to the toilet, hardcore splashed water on this pimply face of mine.
You see? This is when the GOOD in you overcomes the BAD. So I'm also indirectly saying I have more GOOD in me. LOL :)

Ok next. I am so active on twitter. Sometimes I feel time pasts too fast.
So indulge in my own twitter world.. Hahaha, like damn nice.
I am able to catch up with ppl I want to.. talk to them... Better than always bts bts and bts right.
Neglected facebook a lot.. because I feel so insecure! Is like.. whatever I post on fb seems so unreal, like as if it isn't me. And when I update real things, no one "like".
So.. whatever uh. Twitter better and I'm not the only who thinks that way too.

But regardless of what, I cannot let twitter pull me down..

I realise being with guy friends are like damn funz. They can make you laugh like never ending. Getchya from emo to..... being like them? And yeah it's quite secure.. cos you can say whatever shit to them and rest assured, they won't get a least bit angry.
They'll treat it as a joke.. and then, laughters starts again. Unlike us girls, so sensitive.

I was the only girl when we went for gong cha. Feeling was like.. Awkward for me. But weird, they don't feel anything. They don't even feel weird bout having a girl tagging along SHOPPING with them. Peter even treated me gong cha!!! And Jo was like playing a gentleman when comes to seats. Mmm.
Yes guyfriends may not be as good as my girlfriends who's forte is can listen, can advice....but, it's funnier with them existing!!!! LOLS.

Next.
MYE is coming and.. I think I'm still quite far apart from some kns hidden knowledge I ought to know. And.. math.. hais. Irritating tutor keep on changing the time slot resulting in me, not having tuition for 2 weeks. And now is the like... hello, 26th April? 3May is the start..
Adding on to the fact that MYE is gonna be much more difficult than the actual national exam. Great sigh! T_T

Last time, I can't wait for o levels to end. Now I realise that.. It's too far.
I might as well can't wait for after MYE. So, just chiong first lah? June holidays remember?
Wahahaha so this is my motivation. Plus, on the last day of MYE, we'll be going kbox wahaha!!
Whoa scary only cos I think pretty much guys will be going.. more than girls.
I don't wanna lao kui infront of those guys. I mean gays. HAHAHA.. damn funny lah they.

Faster get over cb mid year!

Avril Lavigne - Complicated

2011-04-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

GONNA CHILL LATER. LIKE FINALLY.

2011-03-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

SHAGZZZZZZZZZ.

Ok so basically I dragged myself to blog cos I dont want my blog to be filled with sadness and angst in like every single post.

I wanna post something happy though there isn't anything particular that make me happy currently. Love? Like fuck. Friends? Ok normal. Studies? Ridiculously bad.
Family? I dont know. Everyone is drown with sadness due to my fuckedup results I got back yesterday.

You see. God created us unfairly. Very unfairly. My Bro last minute study also got few A1s and he's taking thriple science! -_-
Me? NOT EVEN last minute study.. FAIL. I'm also not expecting an A1 yknow God.

Now, I have to prove myself for MYE. It's gonna be so much harder...
I've got a Math tcher who like to set very weird, funny questions.. Really hope this brain of mine can adapt to weird questions. Please stop being so dumb lah for goodness sake!

I srsly think ppl like us need encouragement.
If we study and still fail bcos we the question is GREEK, we'll get demoralise.
Which is a big mistunderstanding. Cos it makes us feel like studying doesnt help.
Infact, it does. But the result doesnt tally with the amt of effort that is put in!
I'm also not requesting for easy straightforward ques. It's perfectly fine to test difficult questions, but whats with all the greek ones? What error thing and shitz.
And then went go thru the paper, oh actually it is like this.. like that.

How many thousand of reflections I do also no use. Prob? not me... entirely.

OK NEUTRAL PLEASE.

Slept like 2am last night to finish a storybook. Books are my friends.
Without book, I feel so lonely! Cos everytime I isolate myself, book is always with me.
My bestf :b

Ugh whats wrong with my twitter sia.. the damn code.

And if you guys are curious when did I started using twitter.
I started using it during the March holidays! Cos I was bored.
I think when you post things on twitter, it feels more secure. Yeah, my own opinion uh..

Commitment is passion

2011-03-24T03:18:00.001-07:00

If you think I'm gna bring the whole choir down, KICK ME OUT FROM SYF then!
Dont fucking scold me infront of everybody and then ask stupid QNS.

Call 1 person frm sop sing lah!
See who's like me, attempt to try the AH part. I bet is total silence lah.
Who will get the lj AH part correct perfectly if do solo? Pls lah. You know what to expect here.

I ONLY screwed the AH part unlike the others & you doubt my ability. (like as if trying hard to pick on something to say me only. Ok fine. You managed to pick my weakness. YOU WIN!)
C'mon lah whats a choir for?
Solo? Which part of CHOIR got SOLO sial. At least shud call another sop to sing the AH part with me right.
Aiya anyw, even if I didnt screwed up the AH part, you think you'll be happy with my singing meh? The AH part how can one person sing one? Got enough what you call 'support' meh? I think even if I sing perfectly uh, you also not happy.

Also cos the real thing you're not happy is I'm always late & you think I look like I cant be bothered but it is WHAT YOU THINK ONLY.
I swear I practise singing cosmos and the cheebye wind more than I study ok!

Sch already so fucking tiring. Now have to see fuckedup attitude. Plus I have not a single permanent friend in CCA to rant to. There was Hafeez last time.. and that made going CCA more motivating. His jokes.. damn funny. I really love it when he's so judgmental. Commenting here and there.. Very mean.. But it made me smile.
Now? So problematic. Can you see why school fees are so cheap?

Paying 10 over dollars to get scolded to help people gain glory! Yes! That's the purpose!

Held back my tears and went to the car. Dad asked me what happened and I just diam diam lah. What you expect me to say? OH COS YOUR DAUGHTER JUST GOT FUCKED RIGHT AT HER HEART. Yeah perfect answer sia.

Threw temper at my Mom cos if this shit. Now I felt so bad I dont even dare to apologise to her and tell her I'm in a bad mood cos of this.

I dont believe my singing is lousy. Although I get out of tune sometimes which is obviously unavoidable, but you tell me, I try to fix it and I WILL fix it.
At least I dont sing like a girly barbie doll. I try using the diaphragm. In fact, I use it everyday.
I blow my nose when im bathing, I cough a couple of times in a day, I YAWN everyday. So how can I NOT KNOW how to use the diaphragm to sing?
It's like a everyday thing! I admit sometimes I pretend to sing thats bcos I really dont have the energy.. Also, sometimes even without singing, I'm dealing with oxygen issue already.
Give me some time to adjust also so difficult..?

Please lah.. If you dont want me to go SYF you just have to say!
Dont need to ask me if I want to go or not. You chose whether you want me or not, not me.
Just one word from you. I don't need to attend CCA anymore. Happy?
Don't have to go ALL THE WAY for humiliation.

Sick & tired ok?

Alr have enough danggggg fucking troubles still have to deal with this what emotional breakdown shits.

If I have to drop this in order to be happier, I'm willing to.
Singing makes me happier. But if it doesn't, I dont see why should I.

Things have gone this bad..
Sigh.

As for study life? I will not say good but at least.. it's still ok.
I asked questions aft class when I dont understand. Jeesh, I hate being ignorant.
It's like a frog in a well.

Some tests coming up... So gna prepare.

I hate it when I write a bit of notes, pay a bit of attention, and people say, "Wa dont study lah.. go ite and shine better." Sound familiar huh?
Even if you're my friend, and you're just kidding, I srsly dont see this is some kinda of joke eh.
It just sound ridiculously wrong. In the first place, if you treat me as your friend, you wont even come up with this kinda stupid joke. Friends shud encourage each other to study. You dont want to study, I want. so just stfu ok?
Nobody will laugh with this kinda 'joke'. Those who laugh are trying to be YOUR entertainer so do appreciate.

Homework pilling up everyday. Have to burn midnight oil to complete it.
Keep jamming at Amath question. Typical lah.
Who wont get stuck in MATH unless you're a super pro smartass.

Every morning is like hell cos it is so hard I swear, to wake up.
Sigh, but since when life has a choice just get over it lah.

Time passes so fast.. But at the same time, so slow.
Very contradicting. You will understand if your life is like mine now; rotten.

Srsly, why dont the world end in 2010 sia?

Wont be blogging so often already.
Will put up my twitter soon though.

2011-03-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

Finally got pictures. Went bbq ytd tgt with some unknowns. But, yeah this is when socialising comes. I love socialising but for me, being shy is inevitable. For some ppl, they dont even know how it feels to be shy sia. I want to be like them too. SHY?? (?)

Night walk. Got ghost one.

Tsk, i love my camera so much. Call me act you're just jealous.

As you can see the pictures. I look shag & ugly. Call me having high standards for myself in pictures but really.. This is soooo beyond my expectations. Ugly.

Ok. Enough of pictures. Now I wanna blogggggg with all my heart.

Ughhh I feel so sad lah. Hormones screwed up.

In conclusion for March holidays, suck and meaningless.

I still brag bout chionging during the March holidays my ass lah.

Chiong in internet everyday. My progress? Damn slow.

Homework? Undone. Oh wait, to be fair to me, yes, I done some.

Math? No. I dont understand why she's always giving difficult papers.

It just NEVER FAIL to get stuck @ every question. TYS also havent do finish/go thru I wonder why keep chionging papers for what. Please, enlighten me. Tell me why why why keep doing stupid things in sch everyday.

Motivation level? Still very high. It never goes down.

My goal is still there. The no of points I'm aiming, still remains. I didnt lower them cos I think it is achievable. Oh no, it is unachievable but it isn't unrealistic.

The poly I'm aiming? Still that poly. No change. I really love that poly.

1)It's convenient. One MRT straight.

2)It's a top notch poly.

3)The courses? Most of them are what I wanttt.

4)Very fun. (Got starbucks, all kinds of foooood, very big)

5)I assume the ppl there are very brainy.

6)I assume they're fun and OPEN.

7)I assume they're pretty good looking.

8)I assume everyday have lot loadof events going on..

9)It's a place where majority students wanna go.

10)It is widely recognised.

11)Wear all kinds of clothes I wanna wear. Nobody cares you've got how many thousand piercings. (In fact all poly allows this so excuse this)

10 reasons. 10 reasons why I wanna go. Yeah some of them are my assumptions but still minus my assumptions these reasons are more than enough to motivate me..

And that explains why I I am so motivated. Bcos I dont want history to repeat itself.

Sick of tired of ppl discriminating a damn place I study everyday. Like as if I'm so pathetic.

I ain't pathetic just bcos I'm here.

So therefore, since I cant let history repeats.. Everyday, no matter how tired am I, I'll pick up a thing or 2 (regarding studies) and do/read. But still, the progress is very slow.

Some of my friends even started chioning already. Ofcos, they're not in my sch.

I really wonder how come the results for Olevels in my sch is so poor.

Why uh? What the prob sia. And you see. One of the reasons is we dont focus on the right thing.

My friend told me for her sch, sec 5 dont even need to go for CCA.

So old already still want us to go? That is for the school's benefit, the school's glory, the sch's honour, not us individually. Plus cant even minus 2 points for O levels. Yes can lah, only if coincidentally, this person get the same score as you, then they'll obviously chose the one with CCA lah.

I mean which poly won't? But now. Can I ask, in SG, who doesnt have CCA sia exclude foreigners? Isn't it more depressing that despite all the hard work those years (even now), everyth is a waste? CCA only comes in when you've to compete with someone with the same point as you. How stupid.

And then March holidays, instead of going for remedials, we go for what? CCA?

Walao. Others March holidays remedials everyday. Us? CCA everyday.

I swear I'm not trying to say or defending myself lah.

But I just wonder, this can be one of the reasons why we cant excel?

1)Focusing on wrong things. (More stress on CCA, GROOMING, BEHAVIOUR but not studies)

2)Giving papers despite TYS never even go thru. (TYS is the main thing, everybody says as long as you've dont the whole TYS, do it again & again, you can score.)

I swear I ain't pointing fingers. I really think, my sch, myself, need reflections.

Ok yes maybe the students also don't wanna help themselves. Fine, that is helpless.

But whats with all these 'focusing on wrong things' thing. Hais..

Sch shud stop blaming on how dumb the students instead, do someth.

Change strategy or what shit.

Ugh whatever. I shall change my own strategy.

I'll still focus on TYS rather than do all shit papers. I think it's helpless when I'm at the basic.

It may be helpful for ppl who have strong foundation lah, but for me, it doesnt help.

Also, there must be a reason why CCS did better than us. Walao must have got reason what.

Next thing.

Time-table for this semester changed............ TO THE WORST.

What's with the 10.20am recess sia? 9.20 alr quite late for students who doesnt have the habit of having breakfast (like me) and then change it later?

You cant force me to have breakfast so effing early in the morning 6.10am. I will vomit eh.

I have no mood to eat in the morning!!!! When the sun havent even rises! When it still feels at night!!!! 10.20..

I thought the time-table will change for the better.

I can't believe this stupid time-table will be activated another few hours more.

Almost every first period is Math walao. Need to stand every first period knn. -_-

LAST, I hate my fringe. Why I have such fuckedup hair sia.

Need to spend how many hundred of dollars every year to do this damn hair!

FML

Why why why why 2011 sucks so much.

The world better not end in 2012 hor. I havent even enjoy life yet. Instead, suffering till 2012.

I've a feeling I gonna enjoy 2012. I swear my blog will not be filled with complaints anymore.

It'll be bout my poly life! And how happy my life is.. How I dont wanna die so soon.

Totally opposite of what I'm feeling now lor. Now, the world end also can. I dont fucking care.

World end better.

Hais. Okay gna talk to Leonard on msn.

BYE to those who disagrees this post.

LOVEYOU to those who agrees with me.

2011-03-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Shagz. It got worst.

2011-03-13T23:00:00.001-07:00

March holidays doesnt even seem like march holidays.

Got CCA almost everyday or even, EVERYDAY. And almost every lesson is problematic esp today.

Depriving Dad from his sleep, I demanded him to fetch me to school and fetch me home.
Haha, no lah. I'm not that bad okay.. Cos Dad pitied me. He knows I've to wake up x2 early if he doesnt fetch me. So he took pity, or yeah in other words, he loves me. He fetches me up and down... without hesitations or complaints!! Love dadddd..

Ugh life sucks so much. To be exact, this holiday sucks so muchh... Only the books and tv accompanying me. Shit.. sound so pathetic but I swear this is how it is.
And facebook, which is totally boring when you dont update status and nobody likes/comment on your status wah.. sian-ness.

So I've not been very in touch with fb. Yes lah once or twice get updates bout friends and then bye facebook. Thought of chionging studies but you see what am I doing now!! Blogging. Chatting on msn + sms OMG how am I gonna pass my O levels. I dont even expect a pass only you know.. Pass is sooo not enough.

Everything's affecting me I can't concentrate on studies. Books is distracting me too!! Agh hell.

demoralised

2011-02-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's only term 1 now.

Got back Bio test, Emath test, Amath test, Chinese test. And I flunked it all, badly.
Nevermind for Emath, cos I admitted I didnt study. Fail? Ya duh.
Then how bout Bio's common test that I painstakingly studied the night before or even, a few days ago. I swear I didn't go last minute work. Just 2 more marks to pass, but still it's a fucking fail. Don't ask me what when wrong or what's the problem, I am in the midst of racking my brains.

For Chinese, it's obviously above O level standard. I did the O level TYS and I did fairly ok.
The test is just a tool of being a smart teacher. Yeah set difficult lah whatever.
(Give the fucking excuse that oh, we want to prepare you for the real O level so must set above standard. Yeah whatever. Then do you know by doing that, you're hurting us psychologically?You make us think that studying doesn't help full stop)
2 more marks to pass ok.. for Chinese also. Crap to ppl who are sad over the fact that they passed but keep whining bout it. Hello? I am not invisible. I FAILED ok. It's ok saying a few times, I still can stabilize my feelings. But not countless times lah! It's annoying yknow esp when I am visible. Please, spare a thought for me, for my pride.

For Chinese, it's reasonable I failed. No time management, never read properly.
But for Bio, hais.. really disappointed. Even ppl who didn't study a shit did better than me.
Am I that dumb???! I dont believe I am that dumb oh please!
TELL ME WAT'S WRONG!

All fail. Only left with Chem and SS. I believe I'll pass chem cos it's reasonably ok.
For SS, I think I can but you see heaven always play a joke on you.
You think you can? Who do you think you are?! The real one is heaven ok. In other words, depends on your luck.

Hais.. I really dont know what's the problem. Amath also. Always did study, but fail.
Some ppl even asks why do I come back for.
Sigh, I've never felt this demoralised over my studies before. This is the first time and hope it will be the last. Dont even know how to account to my parents.

No mood to blog. Speechless for now

chaos overall

2011-02-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

Aiya let me zilian first la..

Another small little happiness:

My Chinese tutor gave me an uber cute notebook with a little zebra acting as a bookmark.
I was so surprised you know! Firstly, me and her are not that close. Yes lah, once awhile when I want to escape studying, i'll ask her some random questions bout her personal life, haha.
Secondly, she didn't really talk much..

But last Wed, when I was doing my work she tasked me, she put a the cute notebook infront of my worksheet and I was like.. Omg. Tell you something..
She actually gave it to me infront of her other students! I was so surprised cos I thought she did prepared other presents for her other students, but it seems like I'm the only one.
The guy was like, "Teacher so bias.. give her present didnt give me."
Oh anyway the present is she specifically bought for me from China. Hehehehe surprise.
I didn't know I do weigh in her heart after all. Love her <3>

YOU KNOW BLOGGER SUCKS. I blogged for so long and half the post disappeared just like that. FUCK BLOGGER TO THE MAX! AM NOT GOING TO RETYPE AGAIN cos the feelings are all gone and it's impossible to blog the exact same thing.

I will not even use blogger if I wasn't lazy to change to another one.

quotes...

2011-02-18T05:59:00.000-08:00

Motivation in me is losing...
So I'm trying to find some motivational quotes to revive my determination.. to study wtf.
Can't believe I'm doing this specially.... SPECIALLY.

So these are the quotes.. I cant possibly copy and paste them all lah.
But yeah.. just wanna share some to those out there who feels the same like me.
Lols, I know you guys can look for quotes too, but yeah since I'm looking at it, I might as well share it.. (i mean COPY and PASTE it since I'm not the one who 'created' it)

-

If you have no confidence in self you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you started.

Learning does not consist only of knowing what we must or we can do, but also of knowing what we could do and perhaps should not do.

When the world says, “Give up,”
Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”

Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus.

Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

Education breeds ignorance, the more you learn the less you find you know

Our greatest need is to teach people how to think. Not what but HOW.

Teachers, who educate children, deserve more honour than parents, who merely gave them birth; for the latter provided mere life, while the former ensure a good life.

Teachers open the door. You enter by yourself

Friends,

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

When we lose a friend we die a little

We never know the true value of friends. While they live we are too sensitive of their faults; when we have lost them we only see their virtues.

Our critics are our friends, they show us our faults.

We better tolerate imperfect friends. Perfect ones wouldn’t tolerate us.

Adversity does teach who your real friends are.

Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty.

Your biggest protection from your enemies is to make them your friends

Choose your friends carefully. You are what they are.

Happiness,

The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

We do not sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing.

Happiness is perfume you can’t pour on others without getting a few drops for yourself

Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.

Oh, since I've copied and pasted so many quotes. Maybe I shall add up one too.

How about.. err...

Sad also one day, happy also one day, so why not be happy??

Yeah I know. This quote is very common.. HAHAHA. Not very good in this.

Oh yeah so sinceeeee i'm blogging now. I might as welllll blog bout a bit of my mundane life..

Didn't come to school today cos my cough was really bad! Didn't expect that.. I thought time heals wth. Actually time heals mental pain, but mine is.. not even mental nor physical. Wth..
I think only medicine heals. Yes! Only medicine.

So I went to see a phyician today. Mom prefers physician than english docts.
I went and now I'm feeling better.. I guess. Maybe pychologically.
I need loads of rest..... Just realised it's a drain of energy to cough and sneeze. It's worst than studying.

Coughing is like exercising my lungs wth.. I might as well go to the gym -_-
Tsk, health is sooooo important cos it sucks sucks SUCKS to get sick! It sucks to get weak and fragile! One push and I die. But the chocolate bar on my table (from Mdm Nor) is tempting me... Will eat it when I get well!

Beautifully natured

2011-02-17T03:51:00.000-08:00

Small bitsy of happiness, love.

Today, Mdm Norwita gave me a chocolate, attached with a elegant yellow ribbon and a little letter. Okay it goes like that..

Yesterday, during El lesson, I'm not so sure what the class was talking bcos I was in lalaland (ugh can't help it, first 2 periods in the morning I'm always drifting away. Mentally I mean.)
So suddenly Mdm Nor said that she's 21 years old only.
And expected, the guys in my class argued back and said, "Don't lie. You're not 21 etc."
Mdm Nor insisted.
Because I was bored and also cant stand the fact that the guys kept arguing with her abt her age, I raised my hands and said, "Cher you look more like 19!"
I know she knew I was just kidding.

But surprisingly, bcos of what I've said, Mdm Nor promised to give me a chocolate bar. (Ok she didnt really promised, but she said she's gonna give me.)
I thought she was just kidding but didn't expect, she really brought the chocolate bar, neatly wrapped with a yellow ribbon and a yellow letter during remedial and wanted to pass it to me.
Sadly, I didn't turn up. She even asked the class bout me during remedial lesson.

Today, during El lesson, she specifically mentioned to the class bout me and said she was so disappointed I didn't turn up for ytd's remedial. I swear my heart aches when she said that. I actually made a person who cared so much about me disappointed! How can I?
This can't and can NEVER happen. She prepared everything and wanted to pass to me, but I happily went absent. I really am sucha letdown. I felt really bad though. I didnt even treat her and her words seriously! I hate myself..

So after class, I explained to her. I told her that I was down with a flu and got severe cough (I know you guys won't believe but I swear, the ppl around me can be my witness) and I am feeling overall unwell (which isn't true bcos I was overall well despite flu + cough)
Sorry for the lie but in order not to make her feel disappointed and lose trust in me, I have to lie.
But hey, it isn't TOTALLY a lie!!
I also prepared a parents' letter bcos I know my words alone doesnt count.. not to mention that fact that I don't have a good reputation regrading attentendance. (Mom just wrote for me the letter)

Hehehe.. I love Mdm Nor.
Oh yeah, Mdm Nor did mentioned bout the loss of daughter and my heart hurts again when she said that... I be her daughter then! :)
Like I told Cherie, I'll call her Mom. (Of cos only infront of my friends. She definitely won't want me as her daughter I guess =(

So frm now onwards, I shall be present for every of Mom's lessons.
I'll sacrifice anyth/everyth just to attend her class + remedials. (cos yeah I know it is quite difficult to account to the P bout students' being absent for remedials blah..)

Oh BTW, this is a very cute letter Mdm Nor wrote to me tgt with the chocolate:

Dear Esther,

Science has shown that chocolates contain endorphin -an enzyme that makes the body feel good. And we all know that when the body feels good,
it will be happy & will last forever.
That's my secret (actually not mine, lah) to eternal youth & forever 21.

So, here's to Your eternal youth & Forever 21....

(signature)
(stamp)

How sweet she is...

I was just wondering which teacher will take a student seriously.
She actually treated me srsly. She said she'll give me a chocolate means a she will.

Not like others who say things and don't even mean it. Say on this particular day got test, then change again wth can. Although we are just students, we also need to be respected, too.

________________________________________________

Today, during lunch, I queued up to buy rice + several dishes.
Rice Uncle knew that I queued up for so long so he gave me a chicken wing for free.
And this is not the first time. Sometimes he even charged me less.
I mean, really.. I can pay for that little wings but it's that thought.

It's the thought that he wants to give it to me for free. Hais.. really, there ARE nice ppl in the world. I feel so warm..

_____________________________________________________

I used to not like my bio tcher cos I thought he always complain bout bts.. the environment, the ppl blah.. And he'll say.. ever since he comes here, blah blah..

But then, after a short conver with him and some friends, I realise that he's a really thoughtful person. He cares not only about the subject he teaches us (which is bio), he also cares bout our other subjects and that knowing that chem will pull us down, he told us to strive harder.

He doesn't mind spending extra time, sacrificing his meals just to give us more of his time.

Not only him, even Mr Ng, Hao Lao shi, too. They are really nice.

Next time, when I graduated, I'll only come back and see these few gems.
Mdm Norwita, Mr Teo, Mr Ng, Hao Lao Shi, Ms Toh.. a few more.

And for the rest, save all crocodile tears lah ok? CUT IT OUT already I'm not a three year old kiddo. I know who cares and who doesn't.

End of beautiful mankind. Hahahaha LOLS.. I just wanna recognise these few things only that's why I blogged..
Never even get into my life actually.

OH AND YAY, it is FRIDAY tomorrow!!!!!! I'm so effing happy bcos I dont need to see slut!
And.. can sleep later! How good can life be with SLEEPZZZZZ...

2011-02-14T02:31:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Happy Valentines day!

Due to the fact that my recent archives sounded very emotional (which is true, I am), I have something sorta like happy to post here! Ok lah actually nothing much.
But from now onwards, I'll celebrate every small little happy things in my life!
Bcos not everyone can experience these small 'little' happiness. Hahaha.

So it's V'day today. How was your day?
Basically I can't even feel any sweet ambience.. One, it may be a school day.. and everyone's feeling tired.
Two, its o levels and almost everyone around me are busy with studies.
Three, not everyone around me celebrate v'day.

And therefore, I can't feel it is v'day at all!
Besides vday, it is also total defence day! Haha like I care.. damn dumb lah total defence.

Ok so anyway.. Got a rose from Cherie! Hahaha, so sweet of her to give me valentines' present + letter. And it, really made my day you know... I swear :b Hohoho! Like her so much.
So good to feel that when you're feeling down, moody, someone is there to light up your day.
Most importantly, someone is dare to care for you! Even little things like a phone call, or a text, also do matters you know.. :)
Right so this is the first time a friend of mine give me v'day present. And the feeling is.. haha, awesome.

And all singlyyys who haven't find their other half yet, don't be upset because the time still have not ripe yet. So.. stay alert! LOLS..

I'm immune to school life now so errr... I don't have a strong feel (abt being reluctant) when it comes to school this word. Hmph, good feeling.
Good feeling as in not I like to go school but I like the fact that I dont feel sooo reluctant to an extent anymore! Love it. :)

2011-02-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

Urgh it's so annoying la. When can I just quickly get over the effing o's and move on to the next part of my life!!!
I want time to past very very fast for this year, ofcos I'll cherish the time studying even if it pasts fast. Can't believe it.
I've reached this significant part of my life and what? I only need to study for 8 and a half more months and I can throw the books away alr!!!
Like who knows maybe I retain or in case any shit copes up, which is a hopefully not, thing. I believe I'm lazy, im quite dumb, im incompetent but not to the extent.

I mean who wants to stay here man. Political issues etc. Enough of those for 5 years of maybe u can say.. Time wastage okay.
One more day staying here can die man let alone another one year. Plus I don't like to face sluts or ahhh ppl who think, "I am god."
Oh yes. you are... (pukes white substances)

What's with the high self esteem when everyone hates u.
Tell me I'm soooooo curious to know. Where the hell did the high self esteem come from?!?!
No looks, no figure, no character! Wth.. Awesome is the word.

Oh anyway the happenings in facebook is getting on my last nerve now.
Idk why that bitchresort to this kind of underhand means just to bring me down. (don't bother viewing my profile cos it's irrelevant to what I'm talking now)
It's her prob to attract guys and play around with them.l like I freaking care. I just acted like I care so she can stop her attention seeking means. But in actual, I don't freaking care abt how those stupid guys willing to let her get toyed around. But, why must bring me down?!
Sick of this. Life is such that even if you don't like the person, you've to see her every single shitty day and talk even wth.
If I don't, she'll gossip to that grp and say whatever things bout me.
Who knows maybe u told b that I'm very blah and b told d bout it. Acting kind to me and then badmouthing me to those guys is your forte what.

And then she'll make ppl think that oh I don't wanna talk to her is bcos I'm jealous of her.
For god's sake, here I am saying that, I'm pissed over her hypocrisy full stop.

I pity myself cos you know what. Nice ppl who I met are sooo little.
Vicious, sly, calculating, untrue ppl is more in my circle.
Sometimes when I really wanna devote my heart to someone, regardless of whether it's a friend or an outsider, something will just happen to make me see the what you guys call, true colours.
Idk If it's a good thing or a bad one. You know hurt? I feel that.
I don't mind if I've to accept ppl's flaws. It's okay.
I've got thousands of flaws but ppl around me also accept them. I do likewise to them too.
But how can you expect me to accept this type of really to the extent, mean ways.
It is ridiculous.

Then now what? Not being truthful to ppl until one fine day, I realize they're actually truthful to me?
Stupid.

I've been praying so hard everyday just to avoid stupid things to happen to me. I still have the faith.
I believe im experiencing this is bcos, in the future, it's gonna get worse and till then, I'll be stronger to handle it.
And till then, this is what I'll say.. "hurt??? It's nothing." A bit sick though. Lol.

But aiya srsly speaking why am I always clashing with sluts all over whether it's those bias assholes or my own friend.... Ah shit.
I do prayers you know.. wth.

2011-02-11T04:41:00.000-08:00

2011-02-06T04:35:00.000-08:00

You see holidays pasts so fast. Just a blink of an eye, it ends...

I heard sobs.

These few days, Dad have been really moody.
It is sooo irritating lah like as if the world owes him. And for nothing, he'll keep nagging at me and bro. Oh wait. what's with this idiotic msn keep logging in and out.
Later the 'guys' on my msn thought i wanna get their attention wtf.

Ok so back to where was I. So, Dad got his own personal probs, I also have leh!!!
I have more than him okay! I've to worry abt apart from irritating O levels, still got.. ok well, cant say it here but! that is really affecting me. I can't sleep or eat cos of 'that'!!!!
Conclusion lah: I've got a lot of problems... adding on to pms?

I think I need another 2 days of cooling period, I wish I dont have to go school tmr!!!
I need 2 days.. just 2 days.. But fuck, it seems so difficult for this request to be granted.
Like obviously.. absent from school for 2 days?
And this year is what year? (I know it's rabbit year lah) It is O level year!!!!
This is the year that determined my future after so many years in this school.
Kinda unfair right? Like.. studying for so many years, and this is the only paper (for every subjects) to determine where you go and blah.

You know the shittiest thing is I'll be sorta 'competing' with my cousins 1 year younger than me wth!! You know how demoralise it is? I am 1 year older than them (taking the same paper is already disgracing enough) Now that my marks are gonna get compared! Add more humiliation.

Forget bout that. Then how bout the fact that my whoever expect so much from me..
Keep emphasising on my potential and shitz. I dont even have.

AHHH SHIT so many technical problems. I better just publish post now if not later my whole post gone wth

love bonds

2011-02-04T20:00:00.000-08:00

“He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise.” -Oscar Wilde

Ok so it's in the midst of cny. To be honest, I don't really enjoy it to the extent.
I think I expected too much... Actually angbao is not the issue lah. The thing is whether I really go into bonding with them or not. But no, not really.
Because my grandmo lives in my house, my Mum's the host. And the 1st day of cny is located at my house. You know, I HATE IT when it is in my house.
Like, wear so nice in MY OWN house? How stupid! Then do what in my own house?
Walking around? Using the computer? Yeah talking to relatives in my own house.

You know it's boring and very lame. Can't even complain much because Mom being the host is not an easy task also. Requires a lot energy and social skills eh. She've to entertain her very dislikeable brother(s?)... which is you know, I take my hats off to her. Talking to someone you dislike is not say hypocrite lah (cos there is no choice), actually the main thing is to please my grandmo. No Moms will like to see their children so reluctant to gather, talk tgt right.

And this year's cny is like I dont really feel the atmostphere to an extent.
Maybe bcos you know.. there is no Lin Dan to celebrate with me.. and etcs. Can't believe I say this. But the fact is, I miss her and that remains stagnant until I meet her again.
I refuse to contact her cos... Idk, I mean she've her own life now. And what am I?
Once her friend from bts? Laugh my ass out. Another reason is, yeah, I've my pride too.
If ppl don't even bother to contact me, why must I? I dont wanna be a interference to her wild life now.

I've had many dreams last night. Really sweet dreams...
Sweet until I can't face reality steadily. (Currently still adjusting to it)
I dreamt bout things I wanna do and things I want (nothing gotta do with materials at all)
I want to tell my girlfriends.
But I hesitate, not that I don't trust them, but I'm very affected bout what they think bout me.
Maybe a fucking flirt or whatnot.

Anyway I am really affected bout this dream. It's so nice I can just die.
So nice that I dont mind ditching my loved ones for this dream.. and get inside.
Which is yeah obviously impossible shit.

I thought it was controllable but it's getting outta hand now.
I feel pain and hurt which I've not felt a long time already.
It is undescribable.... my heart is shaky

I sense he used me as a bet, and if he does, I swear im not going to talk to him forever. I dont wish to be right.

2011-01-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

You're just nothing in my eyes so for god's sake, stop thinking so highly of urself. You're just an eye shit of a bangala b. -.-

As usual

2011-01-16T07:48:00.000-08:00

Blogging with my mum's iPhone now. Bet I'll spend like an hour blogging.
How I wish I can use laptop to blog but crap.. My dad wants me to sleep early.. so I gingerly walk to the master bedroom and took my mum's iPhone to check someth. Now that I've checked, I suddenly have the urge to blog.
Blogging without any sense of urgency is sooo nice.

Ok.. So talking bout life... Obviously i will say, "how good can life be with this stupid sickly daily routine of waking up early?"
Sleeping is sooo impt to me. Sleeping is so nice and shiokz.
Ok nvm bout the sleeping part. Coming to the shittiest part.. Waking up early for useless naggings.
And what's with the slow motion speech? I mean like. If want talk, talk faster & get over it!
What's with all those mumbling & wasting time.
C'mon, whose widely awake in the morning to listen to shits.
Eyes widely open may not be the soul is there. Urgh srsly starting morning like that sucks.
Like all dead zombies pretending to do silent reading just to please stupid rules. Poor us!

Tmr is the third week of school & know what, I'm so glad I survived till now.
Omg it's like a miracle. You wouldn't know how tough it is to face a witch every single day.
And one day, maybe 3-4hrs. Cannot believe our school rules have got such great influence. Many got brainwashed by it.
It's frightening you know?? Anyw, i don't intend to delete my last post for now, oh man, I really like it sorry :(

I will definitely go private sch if I've got billions in my bank acc. (not my parents' but mine)
To be honest, wouldnt it be so much better to spend quality time in sch rather than quantity?
That's precisely how private sch works. Quality time...
Rather than spending time on getting stayed back for lame stuffs like grooming.. Counseling..
I mean.. Srsly what's all these? Like as if time is sooooo much.
Hello, one day 24hrs only! (ok la actually quite a lot)
But even if, there are better things to do! Always say don't waste time.. And wat? Time is precious.
Ya ya ya.. Continue picking in irrelevant things & we fail, I swear u can never get promoted.
Maybe even reputation go down.

Hais.. Thinking bout the feeling of waking up in the morning listening to kukubirds makes me sian.
It is Monday and I'm counting down to Friday. I love Friday.
I've got guzheng class & I really enjoy playing it. It makes me motivated to get over everyth asap.
Friday is a journey to sat. Oh fuck, choir on sat. Wake up early again.
Quite sad but it's worth if I can minus pts for o levels. Get over it again la shit.

I will like Sunday if Monday is a holiday. Sunday, I've got tuition & I like the feeling of feeling so knowledgeable..
Prove the witch man!

Hope to score well for tests & o levels. So I can prove that grooming doesn't affect my studies and my attitude!
I'm still as cultured, civilised, well mannered, and I've got a high eq ok.
Oh, and.. My parents taught me well!

Overall goal for idiotic 2011 -to prove my worth to bitches!
Yay!

Everyth states so

2011-01-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

It is the fact.. 2011 is a bad year for me. Fucking bad year.

As it is, I'm alr so fret over studies cos I've to ensure I get into a good poly and into the course I want.. There are so many freaking things to study.
As you know, N level and O level is a huge jump. And touch wood if can't make it, it'll be back to square one.

So far, I've got a good El, Chem, Bio, CL, maybe geo/ss teacher. So happy that they gave the graduating classes ALMOST all good teachers. Really very appreciated.
Will pay full attention to them cos they have extraordinary teaching methods.
Most impt, funny and interesting!

Ok so as it is, I am really very STRESS over studies after hearing many advices from several teachers. This year will determine my life and death I know.
I am full of motivation and will wanna work hard.

But for now, this s* is making me really really SERIOUSLY very sick and tired.
I always have to ACCOMODATE with her by wearing a long skirt, taking out studs,
cant even out bb cream. Always picking on either my hair, my face, my ears or my skirt.
Sicko or what. For skirt, I am alr willing to adjust. For face, ok whatever as you wish no cream.
For ears, I alr hid my stud under my hair but she fucking dig it out and expect me to take out.

I pierced my ears bcos I LIKE IT AND I just want more blings on my body.
It boost up my confidence level and I'm happy with it.

It is not that I really want to wear the studs, it is cos I'm afraid the hole will close!

I HID it under my hair cos I don't wanna anger you and cos fine, it is the school rules.. I understand and obey. But now, you dig it out for what?
Covering it is equivalent to not wearing it you slut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only know how to say me say me. Then you? Fucking wear like you are going clubbing when you are a teacher!!!!! What kind of "GOOD" example.

I really DONT understand why some ppl like to drive ppl to a corner.
I come here to study. Your teaching method sucks, fine nevermind. I'm lucky my parents are WELL TO DO enough to find me a tutor.
But now, even my EVERYTHING you also want to pick on.

Are you out to make trouble for me?

Ppl put mascara to school, you ignore. I put LITTLE bit of bb for prevention of sun,
you give me a fucking make up removal and demand me to remove.

"Being rebellious will show signs in your results." Dont worry I won't deprove.

Hais... really sick of her evil face and really IRRITATING UNREASONABLE attitude.
Going to school makes me worst than death cos I've to see her face but no choice, I have to go if not I'll be losing out bcos the other teachers are so gonna give me infos and tips on how to do well. I dont wanna lose these bcos of her.
I have to stand strong. I cannot DONT do well in my O's bcos of unimportant shit.

SHE IS DEFINITELY NOT WORTH FOR ME TO FAIL.

I am not a problematic child. I am not even defiant. I follow ur stupid instructions.
Even no matter how unhappy I am, I dont argue. I dont even shout cos fine just my luck you are my teacher. BUT YOU ARE NOT EVEN ACTING AND DRESSING LIKE ONE.

What Fadzil said was true.
Always act like you care. In ur heart, do you? Stop acting like one kind soul being concerned about my studies la. You dont affect it I AM HAPPY ENOUGH.

You are the problematic one and prejudiced against girls who like to dress up.

She called my Mum.

Then Mum told me without even scolding me. I explained to her on sms.
And this is what Mum said...

"Will put her face on the board for u to throw shit at. I will help you as well. Hehe"

Note: I told the truth. I didn't smear her or what.

(Mum just came to talk to me about this. She said actually that SHE is very concern abt my well-being.. have high standards for me. As a teacher, she have to do her job blah blah.........)

Mum has explained abt this issue.... and she did defended me... hahahaha.
Not that she thinks I'm totally right.. but I'm not totally wrong.

To be honest, Mum side me 60%, side her 40%.

Why do I have such a good mother and father????

Shall bear with all these shit for my Mum's sake! -_-

(for more details, ask me personally)

Note: This post will be deleted after 1 week.

2011-01-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

Ok so it's officially 2011.. And worst thing is, sch is starting in 2 more days!!!!
I believe time pasts fast but not that fast to the extend that it is January already!! Hell shit.
Last time I used to think that school will reopen in like.. after centuries. But now, oh god...

Can't believe I'll be friggin going to wake up early in the morning AGAIN.
As usual, starting the day off with a blacked face and ending the day off half-dead.
And then.. the afternoon nap feeling... sucky. Plus all subjects standard is higher, resulting in more stress. Thus, more tears for 2011!!!! I like 2010, I love 2010, it'll live in my heart forever hehehe.
Honestly, 2010 is the best year for me among all the years.. As for 2011, obviously I'll look ahead but.. pretty negative abt it. Friends... academic. And even teachers!!!!!!
Not forgetting combining with other classes and ccs. More stress or more enjoyment??

PLUS, somebody's gonna be our form teacher.. obviously my nemesis. Awesome or what?!
Last.... no more Mdm Tan my beloved principal. I really like her and her philosophy.. and news every monday morning!! =(

OH FUCK, CCA!!! SYF! Totally forgotten abt this shit. More tears again...
May I know, judging from all these, will life be better? or worst.

I set my expectations too high for 2011 cos by right, everything turn out the worst.. But so what? still need to live with it what. If not what, commit suicide meh? Ok la I exaggerated..

Mmm on the other hand, who knows? Maybe it'll turn out well? (which is.. my ass)

Will not be blogging so often somemore. Aiya actually no difference man..
Even no school for now, I also blog so rarely.

Hope to have a close friend in school. (at least) I mean like currently in school.. there isn't.
So if there is, hohoho.. I give flowers and fruits to heaven~ Very thankful if that happens.
Oh and double happiness if this friend is also superass educated.
So not only can gain knowledge, happiness... wisdom!! Obtw, knowledge and wisdom isn't the same. This time round.. I dont need someone who shares the same thoughts as me or shits,
I just need a true one. Thankful enough.. really.

Today, I'd a quarrel with my Mum cos she accidentally threw my falsies away fuck!!!!

Without them, I feel soo lost. Just like a boat in an open sea drifting aimlessly...

At least boat is not a living thing it doesn't have feelings but I do!!!

That's why I said tons of times.. Human is hard to be.

I would rather be a non living thing. Like a plant or what. No feelings at all.

Even kena step, I also can't feel a shit. Even a mimosa got step, it closes, but it won't feel anything. FML.

It's the second day of 2011 and now.. it's time to face the books/files.

Another 2 more days, needa face those faces.. Wah thinking abt it, (not even looking at it) makes me sian.

Sian or not, reality means reality. Ok so after racking out my brains... Here's my 2011 New Year Resolution:

1) Pay attention in class even with the teacher I dislike.

2) Study for at least min 2 hrs during sch days.

3) Study at least 4 hours during weekends.

4) Write notes every twice a week.

5) Don't come late for school! Not more than 3times at least.

6) Getting into Ngee Ann/Nanyang/Singapore poly. Any of these pls!!

7) Be more sociable!!!! I mean like srsly I'm quite unsociable.

8) Find the course I'm interested before prelims start.

9) Eat vitamins on time.

10) DO NOT SKIP TUITIONS!

11) Be more responsible

12) Sleep early.

After O's.. hehehe.

13) Find a job. Work for 2 months.

14) Buy more Jap cosmetics.

15) Dye hair!!!

16) Buy more contact lenses.

17) 3D manicured nails

18) Trim eyebrows.

19) Boots with heels!

OK that's all. Need to accomplish all these... there are more.. But will not state on blog ofcos =)

Goodluck everybody! Happy new year! :b

2010-12-30T09:13:00.001-08:00

it's true. but there's a limit to patience _l_

Why can't just ppl fucking reflect on themselves before they say OTHERS.
I mean like, one or two times is still tolerable but no more.

You think idk what you're thinking?

fuck off from my life from now on

2010-12-29T06:43:00.000-08:00

Pictures in Malacca & pics taken with bitch.

OK LAH LIFE HAVE BEEN PRETTY GOOD FOR ME THESE DAYS.....

Why am I so materialistic???!! It's like never ending materials I yearn for... and that money is an ISSUE. Everyth single have to be so expensive srsly fuck it manz.

Just hope to concentrate on my O levels next year cos it's the most important time of my life.

It frigging determins my future and the environment and the ppl etc. Don't want the same old thing to repeat again therefore this time I swear I'm gonna strive hard. I'll mix with super asshole smart ppl... who can teach me, guide me etc. Shall ditch my friends for that year only!!!

Note: I DONT WANT TO LAH =( Hate farewells too. Even if it's a standby one.

Well.. It's been since a long time since I edit a pic (excluding effects).

Bad news.. I realise I had forgotten most of my Math/s formulas. Shit I need to refresh them again. Why this brain can't store something for a LONG TIME huh?

I mean ya, unimportant things it can be stored for years. Impt things like notes, formulas, techniques, not even half a year. What an irritating brain.

Mom promised me she will bring me to HK the shopping paradise aft O's.

Mom promised we'll go facial and body massage aft O's.

Mom promised we will stay at Aust for 1 month.

This mother always promise me this and that... but she always fulfilled like out of three, only one. That time she also promised me after N's do this do that. In the end...

But this time, she said she's serious. Let's see. I sooo can't wait after O's!!!!!!!!!

I hope my O level results will be the exact same score as my N levels or even better.

Heh, that's my goal. I was pretty shocked over my N's results cos I didn't expected the grades to be.. yknow. Srsly underestimated myself cos I ALWAYS expect the worst. See? How good I feel when I don't expect the BEST? Psychological thinking.. ok.

I hope O levels will be like that, unexpected.. (in a positive way ofcos fool)

Angeline doggy is so cute. Me and bitch helped her bath today and she was just like a little girl who dreads to go school!

She was like avoiding the water and stuffs at first.

Aft me and Bitch sweet talk her then she went neutral... hehehehe, would love to bath her again!
Bathing a dog isn't as difficult as I expected!!!! It was fun!!!!

Now Angeline smell so nice. *KISS KISS

I love J. CO! It sells the best yogurt in the world.

@ Bitch's house.

Malacca:

This vegetarian restaurant in Genting serves the BEST vegetarian in the world I swear.

Taste nicer than meat!!!!!!! Nothing but LOVE.

MUM AND DAD who loves me.

Everyone have been saying this... Ok lah now that xmas is over.. New year now!

A santa claus pop out from nowhere. Regretted not asking him why didnt he give me my xmas present! (bitch knows what's my xmas present hehehe)

So this was how awesome the weather is.. Can't help but keep comparing the shitty weather in Spore.. and in Genting.

DAD HEHE.

Super nice view.......... The sunset view will be even nicer! But too bad didn't see as yknow sleep is so impt to me.

Cheap slippers in Malacca.

Dad again.

Brought back some goodies..

See my of the hamsters is yawning how cute!!!!!

Wah Chocolate brownie + Coke... Seriously lah, HOW AWESOME CAN LIFE BE?????

Getting to love my camera more and more... it's just plain awesome~

Chio + Convenient + Good quality!!!!! =)

One of my nephews. Hahaha he made it to St. Joseph!!!!! So proud of him!

And yeah I really don't wanna say that but.. Compared to his sch and mine, mine is.... ah forget it.

A complete view of hamsters.

Used to have one but my Dad indirectly killed it and I cried for 3 days 2 nights T_T

The tea my Dad brew is always so Xiang.

Drooling now?

Very traditional food in Malacca.. whatever the name is call.

Karaoke!!!!

Expensive (normal taste) chicken wings.... and (normal taste) chilli sauce.

Sunglasses due to super shag face aft a long ride... -__-

Watched 3D (Tron) movie. Very stupid.. I only like the graphics. Even lil nephews agree!

Choir singing xmas songs at Hotel. Hehehe wah very nice singing sia. Like totally teamwork.

Cuttlefish that I ate every night for supper in Genting. Sweet spicy =)

Alright.. more pictures on facebook as usual.

Looking forward to quickly get over O levels.. The process is gonna be hectic, tough, miserable.

I'm pretty sure there'll be tears.. but gogogogogogo!!!! Endure. Persevere.

Note: This sentence will activate in 2011.

2010-12-17T04:49:00.000-08:00

Pictures: Facebook.
Updates: Promoted to sec 5.
Feeling: Neutral

More updates: Going Genting tmr with my nephews. They're so cute I LOVE THEM!! :)

2010-12-12T04:12:00.000-08:00

Edited.

I really hate to ask ppl out. Bcos it's always either they can't, or they will come later, or last minute say can't, or even worst, fucking wont reply. This is the first time I feel like a DOG, keep asking ppl out. Like a fucking beggar. Benefit? Not myself. For Keonah. Since she hardly come back to spore, I was asked to ask more ppl to go. Piss me off man! If it's not for her, I won't even care they can or not seriously. You go your own way. Sigh, being a shitty middle person. -___________- I just love going out with partying animals. As for now, NONE lah ok?

Anyway, I give up jerks. Want come, COME. Dont come, WHATEVER.

Blog:

Everything have come by registered mail frm gmarket already except this! Hmph, so slow.
Really like this! Doubt many singaporeans wear this. I wonder how isit like to go Japan.
Omg like eveyone's dressing so nice and chio. Why can't sporeans be like that?
Instead of always short, shirt, tanktops. I mean the reason why am I dressing like that is bcos I'm afraid to be a freak!!! Therefore, I thought being typical then I'll be camouflaged and ppl wont point fingers and gossip here and there. But now, I change my mindset!

I want to be special! I don't wanna be a typical sporean. Dont get wrong, I don't despise or dislike my country.

I love my country and I hate it when ppl criticise my country etc. But I just dislike the fashion sense. It's boring. But! this is understandable. What's more to wear when it's summer everyday?
:'(

Obviously for a warm weather (everyday), ppl will chose the simplest thing they can hold on their body. With the consideration of beads of perspiration, ppl won't chose to wear layers of materials on their body. Therefore, it is understandable.... but obviously BORING like I said.

If only Singapore have four seasons, eh? Or autumn everyday. Among all four seasons, I love autumn the most. Not too hot, not too cold. Er.. but more on the cold lah which is good.
Winter is too cold. I still remember I went to china (ha er bin), mad cold.. and I was throwing tantrums due to the coldnessssss.. and also this obnoxious bro of mine, threw ice at me.
Throw ice nvm, still put the ice in my wind breaker fuck man. I was really annoyed by his childish actions, I yelled at my Mum for not scolding him. Even the tour guide was like, "Aiyo.. this girl."

Anyway.. that was a long time ago. My bro is... ~~should be~~ much sensible now.
At least he doesn't give me hell big time these few months. OK LAH, he did but just small minor stuffs. MUCH BETTER than last time.

Keonah came back yesterday. We dined at Sakura, slacked at Aquarius.
Gossiped..... the main topic was abt results. Results gonna be released on 17th december!
Just before xmas how unlucky. So if I score poorly, or rather, cant even make it, I don't think I can celebrate xmas happily cos apart from those irritating high pitch naggings and shits, I'll feel guilty too. Really hope nothing bad happens omg please. On contrary, if I score well, hehehe.. can demand loads of things. But will it happen first or not??! Doubt so. Hais... Everyone's fretting.
Some assumed they'll fail.. some swear and promise, he/she will do better if he make it etc.
Ppl like us..... just one word -Awesome

For today, bitch came my house. She looked really shagz. Must be really tired after flights and flights.. We were so excited when we saw each other!!! Love her to the maxxxxxxxxx!!!
Gossiped (as usual), told her 'bout things that happened during prom, and things she was absent in every outing.

Bitch was thoughtful enough to bought pink things for me as she knows pink is ME.
Thanks bitch! xoxoxoxoxo.

She just went off at around 7, flying to malaysia for her Dad's big day.
Bitch will be coming back as soon as Keonah goes back like wtf? One come one go.. tsk.
I hate farewell. really really HATE IT. Yeh, who like? Hello and bye is life.

Anyway.. bitch said I grew fatter. Thanks for the compliment OMG.
Most of my fats likes to get stored in my face IDK WHY. Why not at the asshole? I mean you know we urinate/shit everyday right. Means the asshole exercises everyday, so even if the fats are stored at the asshole, the fats will eventually go away. Just like going gym everyday, your that annoying spare tire will eventually say bye what. Same logic. But the problem is WHERE GOT FATS STORE AT THE ASSHOLE ONE. The most is, at the ass.. which is worst. Anyways.. I'm unlucky enough that most of my fats are stored at my face fuck it.

All my Dad's fault!!! Always ask me eat supper, and I can't decline cos I CAN'T resist the temptation. Why? Cos I always feel hungry in the middle of the night!!!!!

I dont care. I believe food, the root of evil will not intimidate meeeee.
I hereby announce that I AM ON A DIET NOW understand.

2010-12-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

I didn't go gym today cos I realise I'm so thin haha kidding. I know I'm fat lah, but going to gym is SO NOT ME. Anyways, will continue to procastinate.

For today, went to eat at ah yat restaurant with Mum and Dad.. and Mum's friend. Heard before? AH YAT, yeah should be. Don't really have VERY good memory. At turf city. Cheap and nice abalone. An embarrassing situation stroke me. I was cutting the abalone and it almost flew from my plate to the other side of the table. How shitty... anyway abalone sucks, so chewy and small yet so exp. Compared abalone and shark's fin, SF is better.

I feel like so uncivilised AT THAT POINT OF TIME thanks to stupid abalone who proudly thinks that everyone likes it and WE have to accomodate it by cutting it properly using fork and knife. I have no patience for that you fat abalone!!!!!!

Based on how many pictures I've taken, you can roughly see that I am rotting.. and that this is the only thing I can do.

Front view.

Backview. It's so small, I cant display all of them...

Hehehehe.. this is a garden swing with earings sitting/hanging on it. Can see how much they enjoy themselves... and they look so chio!! Is like a beautiful lady wearing a lovely pink dress sitting on the swing with the wind blowing her long, curly, sexy hair.
And her boyfriend far away, looking at her....... admiring how beautiful his girlfriend is.. beautiful scene lah ok?

Going for guzheng class later!!! with my Mum! Cos she wants to learn it too!
Yay got company. LOL.

Oh shit!!! X'mas is coming. (just realise it btw)
On the 25th isit? I wanna have a blast.. but no plans. Absolutely no plans!!!!
I wanna take a lot of pictures! Christmas tree.. mistle toe....... the presents under the tree etc.
So chrismas-sy..

K to be honest, x'mas is not the main occassion I'm looking forward to. I'm REALLY looking forward to countdown, and Chinese New Year. Hehehe.. angbao is one thing.
The main thing IS I wanna play with my newphews!!!! I love them so much as you know; esp the youngest one.
Compared to all these occassions or rather what you call, celebrations, I TELL YOU x'mas is nothing.
So if touch wood, xmas is boring, I still have so many days to give a blast!!!

Always be positive. HEHEHE LOOK WHO'S TALKING HEHEHEHE..

Expected

2010-12-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

The reason why I have not been blogging these few weeks is because I've been studying really hard, burning midnight oil etc. HAHAHAA you know I AM KIDDING right? :b

Sheesh. OK these are the overdue pictures with bitch, and my family.

The sushi pictures are freaking blur because iphone sucks. As you know, im not a fan of iphone so I like to criticise it. I should have brought my camera that day! Tsk.

I see fats..... and I gain fats.................................. f.

Dad has high expectations when comes to eating. Like father, like daughter. Kay lah, the only difference between us is that I'm uber fussy and he's not.... very.

Irritating sia. The sushi that I want haven't come!

Oh, the tea is nice. I love tea. I love the tea called "Tie guan ying." Heard of it?

This freaking wanton mee $10 plus. The guy tricked us! The story goes like that.

Me and bitch thought this wanton mee got promotion, so we asked the guy, "This one (point to the food at the menu) got promotion so is $4 plus ah?" And he said YA stupidly. While we were eating, I sorta suspect the guy just YA YA YA only cos he looked quite blur. But didn't care. Just continue eating... After eating, his manager said it is $10 plus... and there is NO promotion. We saw the wrong one. Then why his waiter said got leh! The fuckest thing is that he didn't scold his waiter!! Still demand for money somemore. Forget it, we are speechless.. cos why? Cos the noodles in our stomach waiting to get digested already.

Screw your whole restaurant lah ok? Wish you bankrupt old fogey. And for that stupid waiter, you'll soon get fired if you continue YA YA YA YA.. your mother.

LOVE letter for bitch cos she's going overseas for 2 weeks and just ditch me like that. How can you? Forgave her since she's buying me souvenirs. Hahaha! Faster come back fatty.. Just a reminder: THIS IS AN OVERDUE PICTURE means she had fly long ago.

As for today, when I was changing blogskin, and editing some stuffs, I realised that I've got so many comments, esp from anonymous(s).
How can I miss it? Tsk. If I didn't thoroughly look at blogger today, I won't know that there're so many comments with praises. Ok lah that really made my day!
Hmm.. one thing I'm not sure. What do you mean by putting my link into your listing or rather link to this particular post of mine? Don't understand. Kay imma real noob in this kinda thing.

Anyway.. Yesterday and today was really perfect lah. Perfect as in everything goes really well, and whatever I expected really happens. I feel so bless!
Maybe I've been praying these few nights. (imma a buddhist btw) And, I dislike poachers.. srsly.

I mean like why must keep pulling me into your religion? I respect yours, so you must respect mine too! I really believe in MY religion.
No change. Respect is very important that is why there is no war in Singapore despite consisting of so many races.

I feel like I'm going to have flu now. I think b'cos just now I forgot to switch ON the water heater when I was bathing. When I remember, I was already naked.
I mean yeah, I can open the door and reach out for the water heater switch but was so lazy. Laziness... uncurable. I think I'm not the only one... so it's NO BIG DEAL lah.

Still got what more I wanna say ah... Oh, I will be going for gu zheng lessons every friday! I used to learn gu zheng. But because every guzheng teacher that I approached dies, so I've to look for another one. I'm not kidding la. Every guzheng teachers who taught me last time either die of heart attack, or migrate to another country. So irritating ok?
Another reason why I stopped playing gu zheng last time was because I broke and fractured my right arm so I stopped playing T_____T
Thanks to playing monkey bars.
Now, I cannot even play monkey bars cos my right arm was severely fractured and the doc said I cannot play any rough sports anymore. Hack care, like as if I like sports? Unless you tell me I can't shop anymore. I cry infront of you I TELL YOU lol.

So THIS TIME, I must master playing gu zheng and be a successful gu zheng player. LOL. Honestly, I never thought of being successful in this or that, I just wanna enjoy myself.. and for the whole process, I AM HAPPY. That's all. Very simple, eh?
Oh btw I've a gu zheng at home hehehe.. Thanks to my that loving dad of mine who bought a gu zheng from Shang hai and then painstakingly brought it back to Singapore (bedok area). In case you absolutely have NO IDEA of what a guzheng looks like, here it is...
So you can imagine how difficult or rather, how ma fan it is for an old man to bring this from China all the way to Singapore. No matter what, still love my Dad! (Although when he's angry with me, he'll say things to hurt me. Vice versa..)

1am plus now. Maybe going gym tmr cos I want to be healthy! Health is everything!!
But eh, SLEEP is more than everything. See I can wake up first or not.... crap.

Prom, night filled with memos

2010-11-30T04:24:00.000-08:00

Yeah.. so this is the end of prom. Not as bad as expected but the food was a bit weird, didnt really enjoy that. And they screened a lot of indivudual sec 1 to sec 4 photos while we were eating. I was so worried and panicked they will screen my class, my photo!! Was horrible in sec 1-4. Thus, didnt really enjoy my dinner cos it was filled with worry and panicky. Never mind if they screen lah, but they even zoom in!!! Like what the fuck?? Can see all the flaws man! Total horrid. Luckily, when it was abt to be 4A1, the MC started talking so the video stopped..

I overheard the boys' conversation.. they were discussing abt running to the toilet and hide if their picture shows. Funny much... I was so lucky!!! omg!!!! Luckily they didnt screen mine. Oh, and I didnt expect the dinner to be self service. 69 bucks for self service?? great deal......

We were sorta hidding in the toilet... then decided to brave ourselves, and went out to socialise.

Table of glamour.

Aung. Who always say I'm unfriendly when you guys know im not right???

Prom Q.

The highly respected Mdm Tan who never fails to encourage, explain, correct us. Not like some others who only know how to step down my dignity. Why must change principal??? AH FUCK MAN.... Why dont HE just step down. Tsk max. She's really good.. not that I'm being one sided but it's the fact leh.

Long time no see -Jessah.

Sayang~

Smoke came in just the right time. Love'ya.

Beautiful isn't it??

VP who admits he's short.

Mr Ng. Chem teacher who never fails to get my name wrong.

Show off my brows.. heh.

Gayatri's fav picture. Trimmed Ziana out as Gaya wanted an individual pic with him. I so thoughtful right?? You should know that long ago.

So anyway prom ended just like that. A very memorable night, won't regret going... though I was pretty negative abt it... shouldnt be. So after prom, I must really study.. Very soon, it'll be december. A month of loads of things like getting back results, getting naggings (as usual), less blogging, more study, OH AND christmas!!! and bitch's birthday. Not forgetting, prepare to wake up early for sch. I feel so old to go school lah!!! I mean for now, school is for like children. And me, have to go back. Bobian, who ask me to be in NA! Wake up tired, come home tired. Life like that.

And so the moral of the story is.... it's still november now right??? Can still enjoy. Hah, kidding. AHHHH.. like how much time can WE enjoy? 1 year? 2 years? Still have to go back to suffer what. Not like life's purely happiness and enjoyment.. :'(

I received the few summer dresses that I bought online. Very good quality!!! Love it. Ordering online is damn risky. You gotta take blows if anything gone wrong. Oh, surprises too!! So... Esther's motto in life, "Always expect the WORST, so if it turns out the best, you'll feel shiok." Ok??? tips.

Alright. I'm soooo tired after posting pics online and on facebook. Feel like an idiot lah. It's like, posting on blog is so extra. Hmph but anyway... post already. I think forgot to post some pics online.. ah whatever la, uber tired liao. One more thing. I woke up at 5pm today. How am I going to sleep tonight???? Omg.. I want to go back to my normal life!!!!!!!

2010-11-26T22:37:00.000-08:00

CLick on my nuffnang ads!!! Thanks! You know how much inside? A pathetic $12. Not that I'm despo for money lah, but it gets really shiok to see the money increasing cos it proves that there ARE readers. Mmmm.....
_____________

God I feel so perfect today!! Woke up @ 12 plus, went downstairs with Mum and eat. Out of a sudden, Mom brought me to trim/pluck eyebrows. Hell, it was so painful! But the after effect was great! At least it doesn't look like... forest. You can take a look at my archives, pictures before I've got my bangs, my eyebrows are horrible. OH in case you thing eyebrows are unimportant, EYEBROWS are IMPORTANT bcos it's located just above your eyes. And that ppl WILL notice it whenever they look @ your eyes. Heh, I realised that I've grown fairer after trimming eyebrows even my Dad said so!!!! Can be that whitening mask effect, toner effect, but who cares? I got compliments of being fairer just after trimming!!!

During lunch, I told Mum that I will TRY to save money and not spend it all at once. I will keep for rainy days. And she explained to me the importance of money (as usual) and that how hard it is to earn (as usual) Hmphhhhh like I don't know? Little bit of nag I can stand :) But too much, I need to self defence....

OH AND SUNDAY is tuition and my cousin's engagement. I wonder why youngsters married so early. Hmmm like I thought marriage is like tombstone?? I think it's better to date date... play around, have freedom, rather than settle down so soon and see the SAME person everyday. Not sian? Well, I can't stand looking at my "husband" everyday. Cfm I'll get sick of him, yeah unless I LOVE HIM to the extend... which is impossible. I can never get crazy over a guy, like what? Emotionally reliant on him??? Ew. Luckily it is just an engagement for this cousin of mine.
He's still so young you know! Like 23? 24? Why walk into jail so soon? Excluding need to take care of kids and shits... Yeah BABIES ARE CUTE, but what about you have to deal with their shit and all, bear with their 'in the middle of night cries'. Crap I cant stand it when I'm enjoying my sleep and unimportant things just have to wake me up, plus imma very very light sleeper.
How about finance? Have to spend half of your that pathetic salary on a child, gah.

I don't know. Maybe I've got a phobia over marriage cos I've heard a lot of this and that, even tv also "tell" me a lot of things. I don't think anyone can change this mindset of mine.

After blogging, I'm going to help my Mum type the stupid data. and then probably studying.
So many weeks of NOT getting in touch with the books, wonder if they still remember me? LET'S SEE... :b

Edited @ 4.11pm
SHIT I SHOPPED AGAIN, i ordered the red one. SHIT OMG I SPEND MONEY AGAIN!!!!!! CRAP... total uncontrollable. problematic.

perfection?

2010-11-26T08:53:00.001-08:00

Yay i'm soooo happy! My Mum lent me her credit card and let me shop online. And you know what? I spent more than 200bucks just online! As it is, I'd alr spent more than 100 bucks when shopping with bitch and now........ online. And the worst thing is, Mum doesn't know. I told her it's only hundred plus. And the double worst thing is, she's a smart alex, definitely will find out sooner or later! And IF touch wood, she does, I'm gonna say, oh.. I need to buy x'mas presents for my friends. Hehehehe?

Oh, one of the things I spent online is this! (as shown below) Ordered it from gmarket.
There is a black one, a white one, and a pink one! I was sooooo lucky, I managed to order it cos this is the one and only stock.... well, for each colour. Love it soooo much ttm ok??
I can display and show off my jewellery liao. Hais, but this thing so small, can only put a limit of jewellery...... hmph. So the rest will be hidden in my jewellery box :(
$8.50, good deal... not? Aiya hack care good deal not, i like it can liao :P

Remember my shopping theory? ONLY ORDER CHIO THINGS. Besides this chio thing, I ordered hmmm, tanktops, summer dresses, loads of earings, rings, necklaces.. etc. Therefore had spent a bomb. I want a credit card too with unlimited cash! How good huh? Obviously it's a dream. But it's good to have dreams.. who knows? Maybe one day you can REALLY achieve it? not.

Anyway.. I've got a few pics with bitch in my camera but sooo lazy to post. Lazy to find the memory card.. lazy to everything. Only not lazy to shop, and plead for cash. I'm really really afraid I'll become a shopaholic. Bcos if I don't spend money for more than 2 days, I'll be very hot-tempered and.. really moody. Apart from the stupid pms thing, this affects my mood as well. Note: It affects more than PMS. Hell, I really should control... at least I'm not addicted to ecstacy right? Hehehe. Having tuition on sunday, sian.. Talking abt studies, yeah I promised myself to work hard from nov all the way to O's.. but now? -> Total slacker + shopaholic + SUPER procastinator. I'm really scared. I don't wanna go to the wrong path, but I just can't control. I WILL study after prom... serious.. I think.But thinking about I cant shop again, wah really feel like ending my life sia. Fucked up WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. LOL. I think I can overcome this. And, er, I can right?

Ohya, ignore my randomness. Taylor Swift is so gorgeous lah oh my god. I will fall for her if imma guy, definitely.

I like the way she walks... and her that decent look. Hey look, she's so different with Miley Cyrus, Keisha, Lady Gaga etc right? She's like a princess in a fairytale. God I LOVE HER AND I WORSHIP HER. Hahahaha exaggerating again. It's 1.12am now.. still early. I want to go blog hop since I'm feel so perfect now. Total FULL. :) I LOVE MY LIFE for now bitch!!!! Hope no shit will happen! BYE ASS.

Oh wait.. shall end with this video. Taylor Swift's mtvs are so nice! AND GOOD QUALITY. (in youtube)

2010-11-18T04:33:00.000-08:00

etc pix on facebook.

Absolutely no mood to blog thanks to this very judgmental person -_- which is my father.

First time celebrating my birthday tgt with family & friends. Felt so blessed.

Pleasure

2010-11-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

After four days of working at my Mum's office, I realised I've got a really capable Mum.
Bonding with outsiders to clinch a deal.. definitely her forte. Luck plays a lot in the real estate industry too. If you meet some eccentric people, surely the whole conversation is gonna be wtbbq. If you meet with ppl with strong accent, then you gonna have a good time figuring out wtf are they talking. And last, if you meet with ppl with serious bad temper, hah, they're gonna give ya a hard time. But here, this Mum of mine can deal with all kinds of people with different kinds of personalities! Kk, enough of braggings. The point is, I want to learn from her.
To control emotional problems.. meaning to seperate work problems with personal probs. Easy said, hard to do. To also, come up with conversations.. avoid awkward convs. Also, gain benefits.

Well as you know it's difficult to suddenly come up a conv with an outsider. As it is, sometimes coming up a conv with a long time no see friend is a chore already not to mention an outsider. Plus not everyone share the same opinions. Some even disagree with each other.. eventually causing an unexpected quarrel. It's difficult to be a human... obviously.

Went out with Bitch on Sat.. Shopped at many places. Tiring ttm, but worth it.
Spent over 90 bucks. Shiok ttm. I've saved some money too. Haha bcos of my salary, life increasingly gets better. Mum gave me more than what my salary shud be. :)
Tsk, prom night is getting nearer, need to buy prom dress (Mum will sponsor me, as my bday present), heels etc. Oh and ya, my birthday's coming! It seems too fast. I'm going 16!

Yay, can catch nc 16 movie soon! Wonder how isit like to be 16. Another year older, will my brain and boobs grow bigger? Better grow.. but brain definetely must be smaller than mega mind, boobs smaller than mariah carey's but bigger than Paris Hilton can already. Oh and I want my legs to grow! I want long legs. Must grow vertically and not horizontally! don't wanna be a fat ass so fast. I'm only a teenager bitch. :P

I LIVE BEACUSE I CAN'T DIE.

enjoyment

2010-11-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

Alright. These are pictures that concludes this week and last.

Kay! After all the outings, it's time to start... studying! just kidding.

It's time to start working. Will be working at my Mum's office starting from tomorrow with a pathetic pay of 5bucks per hour! Ahhh.. it's okay for me, since I'm currently not so broke and since I've got nothing to do.

Fuck im soooo tired.. now's only 10plus. My health is deteriorating..

Oh I know why I'm tired. I woke up pretty early today!

Sleepting time~

Xpose nite.

2010-10-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

Cant believe it. There'll be no xpose nite anymore thanks to the merging.

K anyway talking about the nite, didn't really enjoy it thanks to all the flash lights. Super annoying. The flashlights were much more distinctive than the performance itself, that explains why i didnt really took note of the performance. Tsk. Some using dslr, super bright flash lights omg. And one of the camera person was sitting beside me. (not Denice)
For some reasons, her flash light is like brighter than the rest.. gracious! Poor eyes. And if im not wrong, i think the MC did say about the usage of electronic devices did she? Whatever. Not like it's some high class thing like in the esplanade, just the moment you take out a handphone or what, a woman/man will come shooting at you.

And in the middle of the performance, my eyes hurt like hell, cos of the irritating freshkon contacts. Bad brand. Adding on to the flashlights... thank god I didnt get blind.

Just few compliments on some awesome people. Ziana was a great singer omg, she actually salvaged the whole thing! Can see she was rather nervous. But nervosity is inevitable in every performances esp when many eyes are staring at you omg. Dont ever ask me to perform on stage again... Cant stand the pressure. Can urine on my underwear.. Yea, i'm very weak.

Oh, and the teachers' performance for great. Their singing is awesome... very in tune. I think thats the best besides the modern dance.

I was really upset about Mdm Tan leaving already.. And now that I see her again, listening to her that last speech, even more demoralising can. So hard to get over the fact she's going and now emphasising on her departure again. Tsk. :'(

Anyway, it was halloween yesterday.. and obviously I expected to have events going on. But ppl who I expected to come didnt come.. So, I went to bitch's house and we celebrated Halloween by scaring each other LOL.

Ohyea, cant understand why my bro's so eager to see ghosts. Total madness. This will definitely lead him to great disaster. But anyway, he have to experience.. in order to feel scared. Once bitten, twice shy you know?

Camwhore...

On and on..

Didnt really ate much there cos only 15minutes interval. Need to socialise.. go toilet.. eat.

Time not enough. The food was.. acceptable.

Fuck this picture is horrible. But I wanted to post it cos I love the background. See? Nobody turn out for the xpose. Only 4 girls... look at the chairs, all empty. Hahaha kidding lah. It was interval that time. But I expected more people to come cos since it's the last night.. but tsk, sad. Not everybody care.

Mmmm... had been going out continuously these days and starting to feel really shag. Even breakouts are coming. Just the right time. Anyway I'm broke. Now my wallet, left with 12 bucks only. I know you're happy fools.

Mum's friend gave Mum a $150 voucher to Las Vegas. And Mum will be bringing us there!

Envy me bitches. And I'm also going overseas very soon.. as soon as I get my contacts from the blogshop owners omg, so damn long can. Approx more than a month I've waited. But i'm a very understanding customer, I wait.. and wait. Ohyea! One more thing. I realise my birthday is on Hari Raya! Awww I hate clashes. I want everyone to focus on me.. and not on an occasion. Tsk. :(

I want to be the centre of attraction LOL LAME.

The feeling of after exam is really awesome................................. Love it and hope it lasts longer. Like pls?

And not forgetting my friend Cherie who had played very well during xpose.

Awesome pianist!

Combination

2010-10-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

It's 10.24am now. Normally I dont wake up at this time. I wake up during lunch time. But, yknow what woke me up? Like I said in the earlier post about the fucking reno upstairs. OMG WHATS WRONG WITH THEM. Again, I slept so late last night and I cant sleep more in the morning!!!!!! I dont mind if ppl disturb me when I'm watching tv, studying, reading, but I really cant stand it when my sleep is disturbed!!! Fuck them lah OMG. So since now, they've achieved their goal by waking me up, (and the whole block 61 up), I shall blog.

Very nice maggie cooked by Daddy. Very plain... but it's very nice. It was my supper 2 days ago.
Chio Mp3. But not enuf crystals.

K I feel so weak now cos my sleep is being disturbed!!!!!! I CAN NEVER EXPRESS MY ANGER IN THIS POST. Anyw I'm damn angry now thanks to bangalas or whoever renovating the fucking house now. When you're angry, you say really mean things. I know I very racist lah. But it's those bangalas fault for disturbing my sleep. The noise is really irritating. Want come my house and experience the pain, the agony I'm going thru??? come... then we can scold the bangalas tgt. I want to complain sia.. but i'm just a little girl. If I'm an adult, cfm I go up and scold them. If I'm my Mum, I'll shout at them and say, "Eh, my son having exam eh. CAN YOU TELL ME EXACTLY WHEN CAN YOU STOP OR CAN YOU RACK YOUR BRAINS OUT AND THINK ABT HOW TO REDUCE THE NOISES. MY MOTHER HAVING HEADACHE COS OF YOUR NOISES EH. YOU WANT TO BE RESPOBSIBLE FOR CAUSING HER PAIN PHYSICAL & MENTALLY? (fucking bangalas!)"

That is provided I'm a adult liao. I mean who will take a teenager seriously lah? How good if my Dad is a gangster then he'll go up and scold them upside down. Hehehehe.. but too bad, in this house, it seems like I'm the only one who's bothered over the noises. So noisy eh! How can they dont care? What is their secret?? TSK.

Cant wait for night time. Cos only night time there is peace for my ears and entirely body!

Now I realise having a good neighbour is very important. If you've got one like mine, hah, you'll be looking forward for a coffin srsly. Luckily my N's are over, if not I wonder how can I get the mood/energy to study with the irritating noise piercing thru my brain. It seems like more than half my entire post is like complaining abt the reno. Cant help it.

Anyway. I think I'll be staying at home for the whole day. I hope Mum pity me and bring me out shopping. But shopping is impossible cos she knows I spent a lot of money this month liao. As for whether she brings me out or not, that will determine whether she feels good today or not.

If in a bad mood, then good luck to me I shall find some ways to get out of this place full of piercing noises.

I need more colours.

Edited @ 11am.

Omg, the noise seems to have reduced. But fuck, still as bad. NO DIFFERENCE.